I've probably started something like this before, but I can't remember. My favourite joke is:
So a skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a beer and a mop."
Now you. Go!
A man walks into a cardiologist's office and says "Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a moth."
The doctor says "I'd like to help but you really need to see a psychiatrist."
The man says " I know, but your light was on."
QuoteA man walks into a cardiologist's office and says "Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a moth."
The doctor says "I'd like to help but you really need to see a psychiatrist."
The man says " I know, but your light was on."
I can. not. believe. you just wrote a joke about moths.
It's also hilarious, and I actually can't wait to tell it.
:)
Yours is funny too. I like things that are slightly surreal.
So a couple were making out and she said I feel crazy doing this. He said if you go any further you'll feel nuts.
Darn, forgot my dirty joke. 2 white horses fell in the mud. 3 black ones came out. hmmm?
So a gay guy walks into a burly straight bar in Texas. After convincing the bar tender to allow him to stay, a big Texan walked in and said, "Whew, it's so hot I could suck the sweat off a bull's balls." The gay guy spoke up and said,"Moo moo buck a roo."
why can't seagulls fly over the bay?
because then they'd be bagels!
i'd like to thanks the kids i've worked with throughout the years for supplying me with enough corny jokes to last a lifetime. :)
Quotewhy can't seagulls fly over the bay?
because then they'd be bagels!
i'd like to thanks the kids i've worked with throughout the years for supplying me with enough corny jokes to last a lifetime. :)
Man. This thread is freaking me out a little. I almost posted that one earlier, but then I didn't.
I mean, that's no so weird, I guess.
Okay, so there's a rich guy and a not-so-rich guy shopping for anniversary gifts at the same store.
They were both in line to pay for their items when the not-so-rich guy turns to the rich guy and says, "Hey, what'd you get your wife?" and the guy turns his nose up and says "ah, a ring, if she doesn't like it she can drive to benz back to the store and take it back." and then after a moment the rich guy asks the same question to the poor guy. "what'd you get YOUR wife?" and the poor guy thinks fast and says "a pair of sandals and a dildo."
"WHY A DILDO?"
"If she doesn't like the flip-flops she can go fuck herself."
what did one deadhead say to the other when they ran out of weed? This music sucks.
I like the dead alright, but as the simpsons say, "it's funny because it's true" ;D
Quotewhat did one deadhead say to the other when they ran out of weed? This music sucks.
LOL - I love that one.
Ok,
So there is the monkey smoking a joint in a tree and this lizard is strolling by bellow and smells the smoke, so he climbs up the tree and asks the monkey if he can hit it. The monkey's like sure man hit this shit. So the lizard starts tokeing down. A few minutes later the lizard starts getting really bad cotton mouth and tells the monkey he's going to go on down to the stream to get some water. While down at the stream the Lizard is so stoned that he falls in and starts drifting down stream. Unfortunatly there is a very large alligator in the stream and the lizard floats right into his mouth. The Gator full from his meal gets out and starts walking into the jungle when suddenly he smells a funny scent. The Alligator looks up in a tree and sees the monkey who's baked out of his mind. The monkey looks down at the alligator and says......................................
"Duuuuude HOW MUCH WATER DID YOU DRINK?"
AAAAHHHHHH HA HA HA HA! hee hee.
not quite all time favourite but,
three nuns were in a convent when a nude ghost appears, and he says "hocus pocus". the nuns stare back at the ghost, and say fuck the hocus, just pocus!
teehee! ;D
What's brown & sticky?
A stick.
Would a gay joke be out of line?
QuoteWhat's brown & sticky?
A stick.
Would a gay joke be out of line?
That fucking stick joke is HILARIOUS. Holy crap. :)
Quote
That fucking stick joke is HILARIOUS. Holy crap. :)
Thank you EC! Why aren't there more posts on this thread? Come on guys, try harder...
Quote
Thank you EC! Why aren't there more posts on this thread? Come on guys, try harder...
Yeah, my sentiments exactly!
Damnit, there was one I heard this week and it was really good but I can't remember it. I'll try. It was really good.
A turtle walks into a police station clearly distraught.
"Help! Someone please help, I've been mugged!!!" cries the Turtle.
"Sit yourself down & tell me what happened?" informs a police officer.
"Three snails attacked me, they took my purse!" says the Turtle.
"Did you get a good look at their faces?" asks the Officer.
"Can't say I did officer" replies the Turtle "it all happened so fast!"
Ahahahahaha. Oh fuck. ha.
You know, I forgot to say that I told your stick joke to my uncle Bob on the weekend. He was a vascular surgeon, and I swear to god, that dude knows every single joke on the planet, and he always tells me new ones, and he always knows the ones I tell. He's also very difficult to make laugh, unless he's laughing at his own joke.
My entire family went crazy when I told the stick joke, him especially. It was seriously awesome. :)
I think my sister told me that joke & funnily enough she's a GP. I guess Doctors have good senses of humour! ;D
QuoteI think my sister told me that joke & funnily enough she's a GP. I guess Doctors have good senses of humour! ;D
Yeah, my uncle Bob is a VERY weird dude. He's totally awesome, and totally, totally really weird. But he has the kind of joke collection in his brain that I really wish he'd just start writing them down.
One snowman says to another: Can you smell carrot?
QuoteOne snowman says to another: Can you smell carrot?
(If that doesn't make you laugh, I'll blame it on my 5 year old nephew. If it does it's all mine ;))
Nice one Dr - the simple ones are the best!
One snowman says to another - can you taste coal?
(I just made that up!)
QuoteOne snowman says to another: Can you smell carrot?
YEAH!!! :)
I might steal it for my Christmas cards this year.