My Morning Jacket

Off-Topic => Off-Topic Ramblings => Topic started by: EC on Aug 06, 2005, 07:21 AM

Title: The Daily Hamburger Joke
Post by: EC on Aug 06, 2005, 07:21 AM
A great gift from the elders was bestowed upon me yesterday.  It was given to me to use as a source of profundity and deep comfort.  I have decided to share the teachings of this book with the world, here.  I am hoping that I remember to do this.

The book is called "101 Hamburger Jokes ...meaty jokes to be devoured with relish", written by Phil Hirsch.

"Is there a way to make a hamburger do the Hula [dance]?

Sure, order a burger and shake!"

I trust that you all will use this with care - for good, and not for evil.
Title: Re: The Daily Hamburger Joke
Post by: EC on Aug 07, 2005, 06:12 AM
What did the hamburger say when it pleaded "not guilty"?

I've been flamed!


(I believe it's worth noting, for further study, that each punchline is accentuated with an exclamation point.  In all 101 of the jokes.  Coincidence?  I think not.)
Title: Re: The Daily Hamburger Joke
Post by: SmoothOprtr on Aug 07, 2005, 02:14 PM
It's your enthusiasm that really sells these jokes.  I just don't think I could possibly replicate if I attempted a retelling...
Title: Re: The Daily Hamburger Joke
Post by: EC on Aug 08, 2005, 06:39 AM
What do meatballs say about mystery stories?

The pot thickens!
Title: Re: The Daily Hamburger Joke
Post by: EC on Aug 09, 2005, 06:33 AM
How do we know burgers love young people?

They're pro-teen!
Title: Re: The Daily Hamburger Joke
Post by: EC on Aug 10, 2005, 07:15 AM
How do you make a meat loaf?

Send it on a vacation!
Title: Re: The Daily Hamburger Joke
Post by: whothrewthecake on Aug 10, 2005, 10:34 AM
in my opinion, these keep getting better and better.
keep 'em coming.
Title: Re: The Daily Hamburger Joke
Post by: EC on Aug 10, 2005, 11:02 AM
Quotein my opinion, these keep getting better and better.
keep 'em coming.
"If I can reach one person, just one..." :)
Title: Re: The Daily Hamburger Joke
Post by: EC on Aug 11, 2005, 07:41 AM
Why do hamburgers feel sad at barbecues?

They get to meet their old flames!
Title: Re: The Daily Hamburger Joke
Post by: Chills on Aug 11, 2005, 07:46 AM
QuoteWhy do hamburgers feel sad at barbecues?

They get to meet their old flames!

Six down, ninety-five to go...
Comedy is hard work.
Title: Re: The Daily Hamburger Joke
Post by: thebigbang on Aug 11, 2005, 12:27 PM
Why do hamburgers not like working overtime?

Because it's a grind!
Title: Re: The Daily Hamburger Joke
Post by: thebigbang on Aug 11, 2005, 12:28 PM
What do you call a cheeseburger that's been in the sun too long?


A patty melt!
Title: Re: The Daily Hamburger Joke
Post by: thebigbang on Aug 11, 2005, 12:32 PM
What did the hamburger say after visiting the herb garden?


I sausage!
Title: Re: The Daily Hamburger Joke
Post by: thebigbang on Aug 11, 2005, 12:33 PM
Why did the cow refuse to get on the truck?

Beef me!
Title: Re: The Daily Hamburger Joke
Post by: thebigbang on Aug 11, 2005, 12:36 PM
Why did the vampire have hamburger for dinner?


He didn't want to take a chance on the stake!
Title: Re: The Daily Hamburger Joke
Post by: thebigbang on Aug 11, 2005, 12:37 PM
Someone.  Stop me.

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeze

Stop me.
Title: Re: The Daily Hamburger Joke
Post by: thebigbang on Aug 11, 2005, 12:39 PM
Why was the hamburger banned from network tv?

Her buns were too hot!
Title: Re: The Daily Hamburger Joke
Post by: EC on Aug 11, 2005, 12:40 PM
ahaaaahaha.  

It's so nice to see everyone getting involved.  ;)

Title: Re: The Daily Hamburger Joke
Post by: thebigbang on Aug 11, 2005, 12:46 PM
Did you know hamburger was descended from royalty?

It comes from Sirloin!
Title: Re: The Daily Hamburger Joke
Post by: EC on Aug 11, 2005, 12:50 PM
Do you actually have the book, too?
Title: Re: The Daily Hamburger Joke
Post by: thebigbang on Aug 11, 2005, 12:50 PM
QuoteDo you actually have the book, too?
Nope. Just made 'em up on the spot. Can't you tell?
Title: Re: The Daily Hamburger Joke
Post by: thebigbang on Aug 11, 2005, 12:54 PM
Why did the cow cross the street?

He wanted to moo-ve!
Title: Re: The Daily Hamburger Joke
Post by: EC on Aug 11, 2005, 12:57 PM
Quote
Nope. Just made 'em up on the spot. Can't you tell?

Wow.  That's incredible.  I think you're my new messiah.
I bow to you. ;)
Title: Re: The Daily Hamburger Joke
Post by: thebigbang on Aug 11, 2005, 03:00 PM
Quote

Wow.  That's incredible.  I think you're my new messiah.
I bow to you. ;)

Wow, if I had known years ago that a few corny jokes was all it took to reach deity status!  The imagination runs wild thinking about the cult I could have built.

The vampire joke actually made me chuckle (a little bit).
Title: Re: The Daily Hamburger Joke
Post by: EC on Aug 11, 2005, 03:41 PM
QuoteThe vampire joke actually made me chuckle (a little bit).

Oh just you wait, then.  There are seven hamburger vampire jokes in the book.  Oh yeah, seven.  
Title: Re: The Daily Hamburger Joke
Post by: EC on Aug 12, 2005, 06:49 AM
This post is dedicated to thebigbang (praise) for all of his recent efforts (amen)

Now, um, the vampire jokes are bloody awful, so I'm going to put them all together.

Rare Vampire Jokes

How many burgers do you feed a ferocious, 14 foot-tall vampire?
All it wants!

Do hamburgers make good vampires?
No, because they always find themselves in goulash situations!

Which singer's records do they play at hamburger joins in Transylvania?
Fang Sinatra's!

What's the one food that goes over almost as well as burgers in Transylvania?
Fang-furters!  (Sometimes neck-wurst!)

What did the Big Mac say when the Vampire attacked him?
You're a pain in the neck!

Why did the vampire go crazy at Burger King?
He saw all that catsup and wanted a transfusion!

Do they really serve burgers in Transylvania?
Very rare-ly!
Title: Re: The Daily Hamburger Joke
Post by: EC on Aug 25, 2005, 08:18 AM
You guys must've been DESPERATE for hamburger jokes.  hahahahahahahah

Why were the burgers in the refrigerator embarassed?

They saw the salad dressing!
Title: Re: The Daily Hamburger Joke
Post by: EC on Feb 27, 2008, 04:02 PM
oh neat!  i just realized why i had a 2 week break - i was recording my first album. :) neeeeeeeeat.  that's going to start happening soon, eh?  where the internet becomes an historic document of our daily lives. wow.

wow.

anyhow, here's a bump for the old hamburger jokes because they're so rad.