A great gift from the elders was bestowed upon me yesterday. It was given to me to use as a source of profundity and deep comfort. I have decided to share the teachings of this book with the world, here. I am hoping that I remember to do this.
The book is called "101 Hamburger Jokes ...meaty jokes to be devoured with relish", written by Phil Hirsch.
"Is there a way to make a hamburger do the Hula [dance]?
Sure, order a burger and shake!"
I trust that you all will use this with care - for good, and not for evil.
What did the hamburger say when it pleaded "not guilty"?
I've been flamed!
(I believe it's worth noting, for further study, that each punchline is accentuated with an exclamation point. In all 101 of the jokes. Coincidence? I think not.)
It's your enthusiasm that really sells these jokes. I just don't think I could possibly replicate if I attempted a retelling...
What do meatballs say about mystery stories?
The pot thickens!
How do we know burgers love young people?
They're pro-teen!
How do you make a meat loaf?
Send it on a vacation!
in my opinion, these keep getting better and better.
keep 'em coming.
Quotein my opinion, these keep getting better and better.
keep 'em coming.
"If I can reach one person, just one..." :)
Why do hamburgers feel sad at barbecues?
They get to meet their old flames!
QuoteWhy do hamburgers feel sad at barbecues?
They get to meet their old flames!
Six down, ninety-five to go...
Comedy is hard work.
Why do hamburgers not like working overtime?
Because it's a grind!
What do you call a cheeseburger that's been in the sun too long?
A patty melt!
What did the hamburger say after visiting the herb garden?
I sausage!
Why did the cow refuse to get on the truck?
Beef me!
Why did the vampire have hamburger for dinner?
He didn't want to take a chance on the stake!
Someone. Stop me.
Pleeeeeeeeeeeeze
Stop me.
Why was the hamburger banned from network tv?
Her buns were too hot!
ahaaaahaha.
It's so nice to see everyone getting involved. ;)
Did you know hamburger was descended from royalty?
It comes from Sirloin!
Do you actually have the book, too?
QuoteDo you actually have the book, too?
Nope. Just made 'em up on the spot. Can't you tell?
Why did the cow cross the street?
He wanted to moo-ve!
Quote
Nope. Just made 'em up on the spot. Can't you tell?
Wow. That's incredible. I think you're my new messiah.
I bow to you. ;)
Quote
Wow. That's incredible. I think you're my new messiah.
I bow to you. ;)
Wow, if I had known years ago that a few corny jokes was all it took to reach deity status! The imagination runs wild thinking about the cult I could have built.
The vampire joke actually made me chuckle (a little bit).
QuoteThe vampire joke actually made me chuckle (a little bit).
Oh just you wait, then. There are seven hamburger vampire jokes in the book. Oh yeah, seven.
This post is dedicated to thebigbang (praise) for all of his recent efforts (amen)
Now, um, the vampire jokes are bloody awful, so I'm going to put them all together.
Rare Vampire Jokes
How many burgers do you feed a ferocious, 14 foot-tall vampire?
All it wants!
Do hamburgers make good vampires?
No, because they always find themselves in goulash situations!
Which singer's records do they play at hamburger joins in Transylvania?
Fang Sinatra's!
What's the one food that goes over almost as well as burgers in Transylvania?
Fang-furters! (Sometimes neck-wurst!)
What did the Big Mac say when the Vampire attacked him?
You're a pain in the neck!
Why did the vampire go crazy at Burger King?
He saw all that catsup and wanted a transfusion!
Do they really serve burgers in Transylvania?
Very rare-ly!
You guys must've been DESPERATE for hamburger jokes. hahahahahahahah
Why were the burgers in the refrigerator embarassed?
They saw the salad dressing!
oh neat! i just realized why i had a 2 week break - i was recording my first album. :) neeeeeeeeat. that's going to start happening soon, eh? where the internet becomes an historic document of our daily lives. wow.
wow.
anyhow, here's a bump for the old hamburger jokes because they're so rad.