Chuck Norris

[wellfleet]

Yeah, you've probably seen these all over the 'net, but if not ...

Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "boo-yah".

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Helen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out solved.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.

Crop circles are Chuck's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lay the f%&k down. (My favorite one!!)

Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

Chuck Norris coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant; he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris ate a 96 oz. steak in less than an hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with the waitress.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did.

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

[EC]

I could read this a thousand times, and every time, I still think it's awesome.

My favourite is:

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

[dragonboy]

Yer these are great!
Anybody read his response?
http://www.chucknorris.com/html/events.aspx

"Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it."  ;D ;D ;D

[primushead]

"Fuckin' Chuck Norris"

[dragonboy]

HAHA - that was such a great line!
Gotta watch that movie again...

[primushead]

HAHA - that was such a great line!
Gotta watch that movie again...

How many movies have you watched that have been dubbed in japanese?  Just curious.

[dragonboy]

I've not seen any.
Most of the movies at the theatre & on DVD have subtitles. When a kids movie like Harry Potter is showing the first & maybe second screening of the day is dubbed & then the rest have subtitles.

I can't watch dubbed movies. If I'm watching a movie that's not in English I always go for the subtitled version.
Fortunately my wife is the same so we're able to watch non-japanese movies with subtitles. Every now & then I return the favour & we watch a japanese movie with English subtitles.

 :)

[dragonboy]

Chuck Norris Beats Up Bob Barker:

NEW YORK (CNN) -- Game show host Bob Barker tells TV Guide the price of taking karate lessons from martial arts maven Chuck Norris may have been a little too high.

The host of CBS' "The Price Is Right," tells the magazine he took quite a few blows from Norris during recent lessons -- possibly causing a blocked artery. Barker, 65, had surgery last month at George Washington University Hospital to relieve what was reported to be an 85-percent blockage of the left carotid artery.

"Maybe I should blame it on Chuck Norris," Barker jokes in his interview. "He probably kicked me in the neck. God knows he kicked me everywhere else."

CBS says Barker resumes taping his show on a limited schedule Monday, with the normal regimen of weekly tapings to restart on November 8.

[Angry Ewok]

"Fuckin' Chuck Norris"

[for_you_only]

Chuck NOrris has never gotten a Jeporady question wrong, Jesus has missed two.

[jrat]

chuck norris sold his soul to the devil for +500 roundhouse ability. he then roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. because the devil appreciates irony so much, he accepted his defeat with a smile. they now play hold'em every wednesday night.