Why is it that...

[Kel]

if you're a hard worker people end up taking advantage of you?  this holds true even with being a good friend.  

once people know that you are able and that they can depend on you, they tend to start to take advantage of you.  i've seen this my whole life and always wondered what it is that make people work like that.

[Ghosts_on_TV]

Well...I guess some people don't even realize they are doing it. And some are just assholes.

[Kel]

it's frustrating  >:(

[megisnotreal]

i feel you on this one, kel. one hundred percent.

i am always the dependable one, and people take advantage of that to the max. it's like they know i won't say no if they ask me to cover their asses. i always do because work is so important to me, but i get mad that people have come to EXPECT that i am always nice and willing to help out.

it's like, i can't say no to anyone anymore.

and god, do i get pissed when no one is willing to reciprocate. i can work for everyone, yet when i need help it is a huge fucking thorn in everyone's side.

and not just in the work area, either... people are like this to me all the time. it's like once people know you're nice, they'll use you.  >:(

[ycartrob]

I think the key is to find something you really love to do, so it's totally awesome if people want you to do more of it. I'm getting there....

In the meantime, you just got to find out how to say no and take care of yourself.

[BH]

Hey, would one of you guys mind mowing my lawn this weekend?  It would really help me out.

[mjkoehler]

Well...I guess some people don't even realize they are doing it. And some are just assholes.

word

[megisnotreal]

It's not that I don't love my job. I do. It's just... I don't like it when people fail to appreciate me.

I suppose I am too passive. People treat me poorly because I allow them to, but... I just don't know how to say no when someone asks me for help. And I don't know how to call people out on their being assholes.

I guess I suck. But at least I am good at it.

[colleen]

This is and has always been a big problem for me too. One thing that's helped me get better at it is to continually remind myself that my time is worth just as much as anyone else's. Having working or other relationships where you are the one who always does more creates dependencies and resentments that neither person really wants deep-down. I have learned, too, that if you slack a bit, more often than not the other person will rise to the occasion. And if they don't, perhaps it's not your problem or you need to lose their number anyway (I know this isn't always the case when something just needs to get done so you just go ahead and do it rather than waiting for someone else to). Some people are just really oblivious and need to be informed of this for their own good. Of course, there are people who just take, take, take. I have a couple of those in my life right now. I am working on calling them on it because after awhile, I get sick of just giving, especially when I contribute to other people's projects that don't even interest me.  Oh, and as far as getting help back, I've started to make agreements to do "worktrades" or "skill shares" with people. Like, I'll help you print if you help me set up my stereo. That way you already establish that the arrangement is not one-sided. It takes a lot of practice to not be a volunteer victim/ doormat.  You have to really believe that your person, your abilities and your time are valuable. Sorry to go on and on, but I think about this issue A LOT.

[bethofftherecord]

I had to learn to say no and not explain why.  Without giving extra info about why I am saying no people have been taking advantage of me less.  I hate saying no to people, but sometimes I have to for my own sanity.   ;)

But, I have no idea why some people are like that.  It's fucking annoying as hell.  

[Angry Ewok]

I'm constantly having people, who claim to be my friend, ask me to draw or design them something. They look at me like I'm high on crack when I give them a quote... as if they're offended that I would charge them for my work.

I don't get this, and it's increasingly maddening for me as the years tick on... I know this much - Real friends will support and encourage, sponsor, and invest in you and your work both emotionally and financially... those other folks, who feel like it is their privilege to advance off of you and your talents just because you're on a first name basis, will just mooch off of you until you've got nothing they want.

[dragonboy]

I'm constantly having people, who claim to be my friend, ask me to draw or design them something. They look at me like I'm high on crack when I give them a quote... as if they're offended that I would charge them for my work.

I don't get this, and it's increasingly maddening for me as the years tick on... I know this much - Real friends will support and encourage, sponsor, and invest in you and your work both emotionally and financially... those other folks, who feel like it is their privilege to advance off of you and your talents just because you're on a first name basis, will just mooch off of you until you've got nothing they want.

I hear you Angry!
Ghosts, Red, TK & BH have all been charged for the mixtape that I sent them  ;)

[ycartrob]

I'm constantly having people, who claim to be my friend, ask me to draw or design them something. They look at me like I'm high on crack when I give them a quote... as if they're offended that I would charge them for my work.

I don't get this, and it's increasingly maddening for me as the years tick on... I know this much - Real friends will support and encourage, sponsor, and invest in you and your work both emotionally and financially... those other folks, who feel like it is their privilege to advance off of you and your talents just because you're on a first name basis, will just mooch off of you until you've got nothing they want.

sort of like the whole downloading music for free controversy...

[Angry Ewok]

sort of like the whole downloading music for free controversy...

Exactly.

Support your friends, support your bands. Support your friends in a band(*).

In the end, I hope that kind of motto will lead to a lot of mileage in life.


(*) As painful as it may be.

[red]

Ghosts, Red, TK & BH have all been charged for the mixtape that I sent them  ;)

Haha, you would, wouldn't you?!    ;D

[Kel]

sort of like the whole downloading music for free controversy...

Exactly.

Support your friends, support your bands. Support your friends in a band(*).

In the end, I hope that kind of motto will lead to a lot of mileage in life.


(*) As painful as it may be.

I download music, but mostly to find bands.  If I find ones that I like, then I buy the album.  Myspace is nice for hearing a couple of songs, but by downloading I can do a major taste test and then go buy their album if I like what I'm tasting.

Also, another good way of supporting bands is to go to their shows.  I'm sure they see more money from tours than from album sales (if you're a band like Wilco or My Morning Jacket)