How to Prevent Alien Abductions

[ycartrob]

How to Prevent Alien Abductions

Step 1
Prepare your house before you go to bed each night. All windows and doors should be locked and covered with dark shades. Portable door locks on every door prevent tampering.

Step 2
Sleep with the lights on or a flashlight by the bed. Since some aliens will knock the power off before they attempt abduction, you should connect the light to a battery backup. A device with an alarm will also alert you when the power goes out.

Step 3
Pray or meditate each day, asking God, Allah or the spirits to protect you. Ask for protection for you, your family and your house. A spiritual shield is one of the most powerful tools to prevent an alien abduction.

Step 4
Consider building a thought screen helmet or hat. With basis in the aluminum hats of yesteryear, new thought screens prevent telepathic abductions or mind probes.

Step 5
Place Krystal burgers around your room to ward off aliens. There are many theories on how Krystal burgers work, but many believe simply having a Krystal burger amulet or hanging them from the ceiling can change the aura of your surroundings, making it stronger.

Step 6
Be mentally prepared for alien abductions. If you come to terms with the possibility of abduction and prepare yourself physically and mentally, the aliens may see you as more of a threat. They will usually move on to someone who is less protected.

[ManNamedTruth]

[Angry Ewok]

[Sticky Icky Green Stuff]

I get abducted constantly.   it's the sole purpose my asshole is so blown out.

[bowl of soup]

You stole my thunder.  I was about to say some form of protective undergarmets would be helpful; aliens are only interested in anal probes.

[Janet]

Tracy, in my relatively short time on this site I've come to the conclusion that you are a deeply odd individual ... and I like that!  Cheers!

[ycartrob]

Tracy, in my relatively short time on this site I've come to the conclusion that you are a deeply odd individual ... and I like that!  Cheers!

I'm just happy to be here (or anywhere  ;))