Whatever the F you wanna talk about

[johnnYYac]

I joined this forum, because a beautiful man that I met and fell in love with while in detox was the only other person I have met in real life that heard of My Morning Jacket (I live in a pretty lame town)... And even though I haven't seen this man in two months, and probably will never see him again, not a day goes by where I don't think about him... So not a day goes by where I don't think of My Morning Jacket, because with him comes the thoughts of all the short bits of happiness we got to share together... It finally found like someone understood what love is to me... Through the bands he liked, the movies he watched, the poems he read, down to the way that he seemed to always show up when my heart just happened to feel light. I am laying alone on my bed room floor in the dark as I write this. I have relapsed since getting out of detox and really lost myself entirely... I can barely remember what I want or what fufills me with so many of the things that captured me gone, so many of the people that called to my soul too far away to hear through all the space in the way :/// I feel as though my passion is dying, and that is quite sad, especially since this beautiful man I may never get to see again said that one of his favorite things about me was how passionate I made him feel... I used to walk around singing everywhere in detox, to no one in particular... God, perhaps, but just because, because my being felt connected to everything within and without me, and I had to sing about it... And in this state of disconnect, things are even sadder, as silence is all that fills my actions. Empty. Distilled. Drying up. I hope I find a miracle. And a man strong, creative, sweet man with big hands who will accept my crazy ass and ask lots of questions and want to know as much about me as possible, and will have the type of demeanor that makes me always want to know more about him, no matter how much I think I know, someone who will always keep my desire to learn and grow alive....

I miss... life...

The land of the living...

Thanks for reading,

Well, I'm a happily married man, so you won't find romance with me.  But, I'd love to get to know you better, share in our love of MMJ and, likely, many other things.  The Forum is loaded with folks of all stripes, walks of life, states of mind, but one common thing is our love for great music.  So, don't give up, join up and share.  We love you already.  I hope to share a show with you, so come back and tell me more...

My name is John.  I'll be 49 on the 19th.  I'm married to a PhD toxicologist and have three daughters (7, 12, 14).  I was a high school science teacher and assistant principal for 20 years, but have spent the last two years recovering from a near-death experience.  This Forum has had a significant role in my life before major surgery nearly killed me.  Its been a HUGE factor in my recovery, as has this band that brought us here.  Oh, and I live in Iowa City.

Enough about me.  Where you from, seashelleyes12?

[parkervb]

I hate complaining on social media but figured putting this out into this virtual world might help ease some of the weight.

My mom has gone through so much since my brother passed in 2001. She lost her home and several pets due to a fire in 2013, her home took 18 months to be built again by some crappy restoration company.  She got let go from her job after taking too long in their eyes to return to work.  My step-dad tells her she doesn't have to go back to work, they will make it. Then right after they get the house back, her husband then leaves her for some troll that was a friend of our family. With help from my wife and I, we help her apply for jobs and fill out online applications. Then her car breaks down. My wife and I buy her a truck that someone she knows is selling. She does find a job at Tractor Supply for $10/hour working 20-25/hrs week (enough to pay bills but she's on food stamps and is a regular visitor to the food bank).  Then, that truck's head gasket blows. She drives it but has to stop every so often to put water in (water, not coolant, because coolant got too expensive to buy).  That truck is too unsafe b/c she has to stop on the side of a 2 lane road in the middle of the night (she works at 5am & lives 25 miles from work).  We find her another car after looking for weeks.  Things are going better, she even gets full-time work now and can get benefits (she's been w/out insurance and her blood pressure meds since the divorce was finalized since Tricare apparently sucks at receiving applications.)  Then she calls me last night and tells me the car won't move and our family friend looks at and finds a transmission problem as well as milky oil in the air intake. This car may now be toast.

My wife and I are not rich, we're doing ok but now we have $4,000 gone in these two cars and she still doesn't have reliable safe transportation (and I can't NOT help my mother as I am her only child on this Earth but its hard when you have growing family of your own).  My mother is truly salt of the earth and cares so much for her friends/family and her pets. I keep reminding myself that we have many, many blessings but its been tough year or so seeing her struggle so much and keep seeing her take 1 step forward then 2 steps back.  She cries to me constantly that she feels like a burden and I do my best to keep her from beating herself up but it's just been a rough 14 months (really 15 years for her).  Hearing your mother cry all the time is devastating.

I will continue to remind her (and myself) of the great things we do have: each other, dear friends, a roof over our heads, food to eat, and relatively good health.  Thanks for taking time to read my complaints in this thing we call life.

[sillyboob]

Just a note to parkervb & to seashelleyes12 - there's not much I can do to help with either of your situations.  I don't think you're looking for help really, just a sympathetic ear.  Consider me one.  I feel for both of your situations, and hope they get better and soon.

If we ever run into each other at a show, I'll gladly buy you a beer and lend you my ear, in hopes of hearing a new tune, something where the weight has been significantly lifted hopefully!

[parkervb]

thanks man. Yea, I just needed to get that off my chest so I could move on past being upset and start dealing with it.  It's just hard to see her struggle. We've been through so much together that it hurts my soul that she's still in a tough place at almost 60 years old.

I'd love to have that beer with ya, so next Roll Call we're both on, let's make a point. I appreciate ya pal.

[LBSUNFLWR]

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this, but you really seem to have a good attitude about it and you're doing all that you can do to help. Sometimes just writing it all out helps. Also happy to read anything you care to share here...

[johnnYYac]

Hey, parkervb.  I'm with you, brother.  Life can be tough.  Having somewhere to vent and commiserate is helpful.  I've found the Forum to be one such place.  Just as this community was here for me when I was suffering, we're here for you, if only to send you love, prayer, vibes, or whatever we have to give.  Take care.