Dudes, I need your help.

[megalicious]

I need some dude advice. I thought I'd ask the forum fellas, as this site allows me to have more anonymity than social networks. I really appreciate your input here, as the issue at hand is really confusing me.

Here is my question: Do dudes really think about sex 24/7? We lovely ladies are socialized to believe that all men are horndogs/overt nymphos. I realize this is mostly bullmess, but I am still struggling...

It sucks when you have two people in a relationship with different drives. I am pretty much up for sexytimes 24/7, but my man does not feel the same. He says he "just doesn't think about it that much."

Are any of y'all the same way? As you age, do you just want it less?

We've discussed it like adults. It's hard for me, because I interpret the situation to be the result of a flaw of mine-- I'm ugly; I'm fat; I'm unattractive, whatever. I've been assured this is not the case; it's just that we have different, uh, "desires."

I know posting about something like this on an internet forum is pretty lame, but I need advice. Other than this, our relationship is super rad.

Thaks for your replies. If you don't feel like posting a public response, please feel free to PM me.
:-*

[Fully]

I'm going to suggest that if you plan on staying with this guy you should buy a vibrator. And that's all I've got to say about that.

[aMillionDreams]

you have pm

[mjk73]

Um. Some of us have sexytime on the brain all the time. Sig others may not and that does indeed suck ass. From personal experience it really sucks so I feel your pain. But.....but there are times when we are just too tired. As in freaking exhausted to the point of you can't even make it to the bed. I do have to say when I dropped all my weight 10 years ago, my libido skyrocketed. When I started marathon running 3 years ago, it jumped even more. I sort of joke that the women in the area should feel lucky that I'm married or I would be hitting on them shamelessly. As it is now, I'm a horrible flirt.

I've said this before, you have nothing to worry about looks wise as you are beautiful.

And toys are good. And fun for both.

[megalicious]

Thanks for the replies, y'all. I really appreciate it. I know everyone is different. Having some encouragement helps. :-*

[ALady]

I don't think any two people ever line up exactly the same in that department - as mjk points out, there are lots of factors that can increase/decrease your sex drive over the years.  Yay for being able to talk about it and having a great relationship otherwise - that'll take you far!

[Sticky Icky Green Stuff]

I don't know... the only time I'm not down with having some sex is just after I had sex and even then...yeah,  your bf might be a gay, but not sure.  just a heads up.   they say ladies sex drives kicks in later in life than men.   force it on him, dudes are easy.

[Jon T.]

I don't know... the only time I'm not down with having some sex is just after I had sex

;D
You need to take your show on the road, stick!   

[Ghosts_on_TV]

I'm not always in the mood. Granted, most of the time I am. As Koehler points out, sometimes I'm just too damn tired. I don't think that it isn't normal to not want it 24/7.

[aMillionDreams]

I don't think that it isn't normal to not want it 24/7.

Wow, triple negative, you just made my head spin!  :o

[johnnYYac]

I don't think that it isn't normal to not want it 24/7.

A triple negative?  Fully, you want to have your students diagram this sentence, I'd be interested to see it.   :D

EDIT - beat me to the punch by one minute, Dylan.

[Tracy 2112]

Sex is great, don't get me wrong, but focus on the other 95% of the relationship. I have been married for 12 years now and can say that while sex is a very important component, people spend tireless amounts of time and energy (and judging of self worth) that equates to just a fraction of the relationship (but we are taught it is so crucial). I think for the most part, women and men are "wired" to see sex differently, then we are brainwashed by society and family into our sexual roles which perpetuate some myths (i.e. A woman that sleeps around is a whore while a man exhibiting the same behavior is a stud.) We are a partiarchal society, so us men are in a position to benefit from our faults whereas women suffer (usually) for theirs. It's a bit more complicated than I can go in to here.

Focus on the relationship. See if you 2 can have a good time "for free" without taking your clothes off b/c if you want to be in a serious relationship that will last, once work and then kids come, the relationship is what will make our break things. However, if one wants it all the time and the other one doesn't, that can be a problem.

And TELL HIM these things you are saying here. You need a man whom you can talk to without being ridiculed or marginalized. Us men tend to judge women based on physical attrativeness (to some degree we are wired to do so and society/media shoves in our faces from day 1). Ask for what you need NOW rather than getting into a marriage and finding out it won't work. He may or may not be the one, but it's best to find out BEFORE kids come around.

I say talk to a therpaist b/c most of the issues we have in relationships (and our inability to solve them) stem from unresolved childhood shit, IMO. And by relationships, I also mean the relationship you have with yourself and your environment.

I have been knowing you for a while from a distance here Meg; you're going to be A-OK.  :)

Oh, and whenever possible, put on side 1 of Led Zeppelin IV.   ;)

[Penny Lane]

I don't think that it isn't normal to not want it 24/7.

A triple negative?  Fully, you want to have your students diagram this sentence, I'd be interested to see it.   :D

EDIT - beat me to the punch by one minute, Dylan.

Ditto! ha  ha...Jeezus, Dave---you're a damn genius

[aMillionDreams]

I agree with most of what Tracy said except for the part about sex only being 5% of the relationship.  Sex IS important in relationships especially for those of us who thoroughly enjoy it, and not because society said so, because it feels good and is one of the best ways to express love in a relationship.  Also, if you're not happy sexually it can affect the other aspects of your relationship.  My ex and I were not sexual compatible and now that I've moved on I've found that there are women out there capable of pleasing me and it's great!  I have no doubt that love will come to me in time but in the meantime I love to cum!

*Sorry if that last part was a little vulgar, I couldn't pass up that play on words.  ;)

EDIT - also don't agree with seeing a therapist. There's nothing wrong with you or him, you're just different.

[Penny Lane]

and whatever you do...don't yell out  Sec Walkin!   right at the moment....
i've been dumped for that before...

[Fully]

I don't think that it isn't normal to not want it 24/7.

A triple negative?  Fully, you want to have your students diagram this sentence, I'd be interested to see it.   :D

EDIT - beat me to the punch by one minute, Dylan.

I'm pretty impressed with the use of the triple negative actually.  ;)

Also concerning my advice from earlier, even if everything else in your relationship is great except for the mismatched sex drives, you are going to have to do something to work through this. Sometimes men have low testosterone levels. I was talking to a guy who works in the medical industry and he told me that he gets testosterone pellets injected that have not only improved his sex life, but have made him have more energy in all aspects of his life. A dr.'s visit might be in order - if you can get him to go. Some men really hate going to the dr. to talk about things like this. But seriously, even with a great relationship, it is difficult to be the sexually frustrated one in it. You'll either have to find other outlets (yes, that's an ac powered vibrator pun) or find a way to up his desire for sex. Maybe try to hit him up for some lovin' earlier in the day when he isn't as tired. That might also help. Lot's of people are exhausted at night and just aren't in the mood then. Hang in there.

Penny! I'm glad your learning from experience! ;D

[Penny Lane]

Fully---that happened to my brother...he couldn't figure out what was wrong..went to the DR and they told him he had the sex drive/testosterone level of an 80 year old man (he's 36)..they gave him some meds---I guess he's back to normal..(good thing because, like aMD, he's divorced now and apparently getting some pretty regular action  ;))

[Ghosts_on_TV]

As long as I can impress the ladies.  ;D

Wanna bang?

[Penny Lane]

As long as I can impress the ladies.  ;D

Wanna bang?

ha ha..i just sent aMD a text message "we srsly need more sex threads!" ...

also i want TEO and Crazy's input...

[Fully]

As long as I can impress the ladies.  ;D

Wanna bang?

ha ha..i just sent aMD a text message "we srsly need more sex threads!" ...

also i want TEO's and Crazy's input...

If you want it, I can provide it. (More sex threads, I mean) ;)