My Wife (updated by OP in new post)

[Seeker]

I posted this on the Who list I belong to, and where I have more personal acquaintances, but this has some Pearl Jam and MMJ content, so I will post it here too. 

I lost my wife Jan last month to ALS. In response to condolences from my fellow Who fans, I ended up reflecting and writing about the times we shared going to concerts. I also wanted to give some insight into the progression we faced with her ALS. Even with this ice bucket challenge raising awareness, very few of us actually know anyone with ALS. I sure didn't.

The second date I had with Jan was Bruce Springsteen at Red Rocks, in July 1981. Jan and I came up after work, and my friends had saved us seats on the 4th row after going in at 3 p.m.  They were "baked" by then but interested in the 'new girl'.  She seemed to enjoy herself and kindly overlooked the motley-ness of my friends.

Oddly, during a brief lull in our courtship, I took a different date to The Who's 1982 'farewell' show in Boulder. So after we were married in 1983, Jan would hear my friends say "You do know about his Who madness don't you?"  It took another 17 years of only modest Who activity for the madness to return, but by then, she was pretty much stuck with me.

Over the course of our marriage, Jan happily indulged and accompanied me to many live shows. She would never sit down, dancing through the whole show. Even those long-winded  jam bands did not slow her down.   

We liked to take three or four day weekends to tour other cities and see shows.  Jan was with me at the Gorge in 2002 for a memorable (and rare) Pete guitar smash right in front of us. In 2004, we landed in Denver from a vacation, dumped our kids with my brother, and changed planes to San Francisco for The Who at Shoreline. We went to  Los Angeles for the VH1 Honors show, fooling our teenaged kids into thinking we were still in Denver and would be home each night, so they wouldn't have a house party in our absence.

When Pearl Jam skipped Denver, we traveled to Phoenix in 2000 and Salt Lake City in 2010. We also shared a great time in Chicago before going up to rainy PJ20 in Alpine Valley.  We were generally older than most PJ fans but enjoyed meeting the young people from around the world. Jan always enjoyed watching Eddie, but was turned off by his frequent spitting,. Memorably, she gave me a pass to see The Who and Pearl Jam at the HOB in Chicago in 2002 the night of our anniversary. Adage for long marriage: "Trust your spouse and let them do what they want"

Our first MMJ show was at the Ogden Theater in Denver. in 2006.

In the summer of 2011, Jan celebrated her 10th year of being free from breast cancer by training and competing in the Tri-for-the-Cure, a Triathlon, and finishing very high in her age group. I met quite a few of you the weekend Flaming Lips and MMJ played Red Rocks, but the triathlon was a conflict so you didn't meet her.

In March 2013, Jan and I hiked in snowshoes through a blizzard for 2 1/2 miles at Winter Park. She left me in the (snow) dust as it were, but she was bothered by weakness in her hand, mouth and foot. Three days later, she was diagnosed with ALS. We went home and looked it up on Wikipedia. It said the median survival time was only 39 months. She was in great shape, so we figured 5 years was reasonable, 10 years our goal. She retired because of more fatigue, and I moved my law practice to a home office. By June, she needed a wheel chair for any excursions that were longer than a block.  We bought our first handicapped seats to see Wilco and MMJ.  We started traveling a lot, trying to squeeze in and accelerate our "retirement" years.  She wanted to take long drives to places we hadn't been. 

In September we drove to the Telluride Blues & Brews Fest to see Jim James among others. During Jim's set, it poured rain. A friend  had procured VIP seating for us, but soon we were the only ones there, Jan in her wheelchair and me standing next to her in the mud with an umbrella.  We looked pathetic, but I guess Jan wanted to show she could take it,.  I wondered if Jim noticed our tiny mass huddled alone against the rain.

We went to Virginia in October, immersed ourselves in the history, and drove the Blue Ridge Parkway during the Autumn colors.  I had ordered Reserved Ten Club seats for Pearl Jam's show in Charlottesville.  I hoped we would be OK seeing the show from great side seats.  Stupid me, sitting in the middle of Ten Club seats meant being surrounded by PJ  fanatics standing the entire show. There was a video screen which we could usually see to our right through the crowd. I sat with Jan to watch it.  I held her up a few times, especially during "Porch" so she could watch Mike's epic solo and see Eddie swing out over the audience. It would be her last concert.

In February I bought us disabled seats for Red Rocks to see the Tedeschi Trucks Band and Jan's favorite from Telluride, Gary C. Clark. Red Rocks reserves the first row for disabled. The show wasn't until July 25 however. By Spring Jan was in a power chair and could not communicate verbally. The weekend before the show, she declined considerably. I arranged for a hospice meeting on Tuesday.  However, by Monday evening she had rallied and Tuesday morning found her in good shape. When I told her I had arranged for hospice she insisted I cancel it. When I told her she seemed too fragile for the Red Rocks show on Friday, she got upset. I said OK, I'll try to take her, and she gave me a fist bump. It was not to be however. She declined again by that Thursday, and she passed away soon after. We only got 17 months.

Of course,  this rock n' roll stuff was only a sliver of our 30 year marriage. She sold homes for 15 years with ReMax, and after her breast cancer, she went back to school, became a nurse, and worked for Kaiser for 8 years. She was a true blue union steward for the SEIU and community activist. She camped out in D.C. with the Occupy protesters  (see adage for long marriage above) Besides music, she loved theater and going to baseball games with friends, We raised two great young adults, who share their parent's love of live music.

Jan would have been amused by all this Ice Bucket Challenge hoopla for her "orphan" disease that only a few of our friends had heard of.  I hope this flush of extra funding results in a cure. Maybe you needed a personal connection to contribute.  If you would like to contribute to  Rocky Mountain ALS (who were wonderful to us), you can pledge support  to our team of  "Jan's Fans" at the annual ALS walk to be held this Saturday, September 13 at Denver City Park. Here is a link to do that.   
   
http://tinyurl.com/lt3zkuh

Thanks,
Charles

[jaye]

I'm so sorry for your loss Charles.  She sounds like a wonderful woman.   How great that you were able to travel and see shows!  I hope you can find some comfort in those memories. 

[mtngurl]

Charles I am so sorry for your loss. Much love to you and your family.
Kristen

[walterfredo]

Very sorry for your loss Charles, sounds like you two shared some amazing moments.

I looked on the MMJ archive to find the Ogden show you spoke of, I didn't see one from 2006, but they did play there in 2007.  If that was the first show you were speaking of, and if you don't already have it, I would love to send you my copy of the poster for the show.  If you would like it please message me your address and I would be beyond happy to give it you.

[johnnYYac]

So sorry to hear of your loss, Charles.  Thanks for sharing her story.  Take care.

[Seeker]

Very sorry for your loss Charles, sounds like you two shared some amazing moments.

I looked on the MMJ archive to find the Ogden show you spoke of, I didn't see one from 2006, but they did play there in 2007.  If that was the first show you were speaking of, and if you don't already have it, I would love to send you my copy of the poster for the show.  If you would like it please message me your address and I would be beyond happy to give it you.

Thanks, it must have been 2007, and thanks, I already have the poster. I was thinking it was 2006 because my first MMJ sighting was the 2006 Bonnaroo  webcast. I tuned in to watch Tom Petty (who would be appearing with PJ in Denver the next month) and as fate would have it, this hairy band came on the stage and played "A Quick One" Needless to say that got my attention, and so did the rest of their show. It was because of that webcast we went to the Ogden. Hard to believe I waited a year.

Charles

[Fully]

It sounds like the two of you had a beautiful life together,  Charles. I'm so sorry that it had to end too soon. Thank you for sharing.

[weeniebeenie]

I'm very sorry for your loss, Charles. I'll spin some Who for you both.

[APR]

Even after reading that a second time, I can't think of a thing to say except I echo Fully's comments.  Jan sounds like she had an incredible spirit and energy.  And I subscribe to your adage regarding a long marriage (so I guess I did have something to add).

[Crispy]

Thanks very much for sharing this, Charles, and many condolences for your loss.

[ChiefOKONO]

Thanks for posting, it was a touching story and I'm happy that she got the most out of life and you had some awesome live music experiences together.  Sad to hear about your loss!!

[sillyboob]

Wonderful memories here.  Hang on to them friend!

[GO4IT]

Charles,
Thanks for sharing the story of your love.
It was at the same time so sad but also so joyous hearing about the great times you had together. I hope those wonderful memories last you a lifetime.
My condolences,
Rob

[Lonndown27]

 Charles im from Salt lake so we're close to you ! Manm.I can't even imagine losing Chelsea my lady...I totally loved reading your post it moved me beyond reason . If you ever need ANYTHING from this Jacket fan you got it bro :) Jan was an incredible woman :)

[Seeker]

Was surprised to see this thread has been resurrected. Again, thanks for the warm thoughts. I have been quite busy. I put my house on the market and volunteered for the Peace Corps. I head out to Uganda on May 30 and will serve there for 27 months.

I will miss MMJ at Red Rocks of course. I remember having a great time with  a lot of you hardcore MMJ Forum fans at two of the previous Red Rocks years.

Thanks, again.

Charles

[johnnYYac]

Godspeed, Charles.  Feel free to check in here from time to time and let us know how you're doing.

[ffghtrs]

HUGS!