The DARKness Magazine

[The DARK]

I have started this "magazine" as a way to lighten up the mood around here. I will be posting Onion-esque parody articles of current events and music stories in here. Feel free to post your own articles!



America Hires a Public Relations Team, Unveil New Flag Design
June 11, 2008

It will come as no surprise to most of the rest of the world that America is possibly the least popular country on the planet. Due to recent unpopular events such as the Iraq War and Mind of Mencia, the public opinion of America seems to have reached an all-time low. Even Great Britain, our staunchest supporter, revealed in a recent poll that 89% of the country does not support American involvement in Iraq and 48% of the country still refers to us as "those damn revolutionaries".

But that may soon change. In a press conference, President Bush revealed that he has hired 1000 of the most qualified public relations officers to create the new Public Relations Commitee of America. The goal is quite simply to change America's public image around the world. He also revealed the first of the new team's achievements: an updated flag design, curtosy of psychedelic artist Brian Exton. The new flag contains a multi-colored star with fifty polka-dots, each one said to be a slightly different shade of green. The early reception from the public has been mostly positive, with several DARKnessmagazine.com users saying "This new flag is totally rad, man!" and "If you look at it sideways and close your eyes for thirty seconds and then open them, it looks like the star is waving at you, does anyone else see this?" However, many professional sources think less positively, with one New York Times reporter calling the new flag "the product of a lunatic on acid". Mr. Exton has not come forward to deny these comments.

Future projects of the Public Relations Commitee of America include the airlifting of American cuisine such as Red Bull and Doritos into poverty-stricken areas of Africa and a re-interpretation of the national anthem by the popular rock artist Bruce Springsteen. When asked how this will all be paid for, especially Bruce Springsteen's hefty 10.6 billion dollar commission, the President responded with a knowing smile, "It's simple, really. A few tax cuts and raises here and there, and no one will notice the difference."

[The DARK]

Typos fixed. Sorry if it was an awkward read before. This is just a first attempt.  ;)

[getinthevan]

When do we get to see a picture of said flag?

And only 48%, I would have thought higher.