My Dad R.I.P.

[Taterbug]

My dad was diagnosed with cancer in his pancreas, liver and colon 3 weeks ago at the young age of 62.  They gave him 6 months. He passed away on labor day. He was sent home 3 days prior to his death and we were  all by his side when he passed away.

    I started writing him a letter in my head the day after his surgery 3 weeks ago. I am not very good at expressing my feelings face to face so I thought a letter would be a good way to do that. When he was sent home on the friday before labor day I gave him the letter to read. His eyesight had started to fail. He asked me to read him the letter.  So I did,  I  got thru it with only a few emotional moments.
He was able to respond to the letter and tell me how proud he was of me  :) .  The letter I wrote was givin to the pastor to read at his funeral service. Below is the letter.

Dear Dad,  
                  I wanted to write you a letter because I'm better at conveying my thoughts on paper.  I started to write this letter in my head the day I left you after your surgery.  I would like to start off by thanking you for being there for me when I needed some advice or a good laugh or to tell you some juicy gossip about Jay.  You always know the right words to say to make me feel better.  
         
              We have a lot of memories we share.  I remember playing catch in the backyard.  When we took the training wheels off my bike and you gave me gentle nudge and sent me on my way.  I was a slow learner on my bike and had to pick rose thorns out of my ass a few times.  But you taught me not to give up.  I loved Christmas as a child.  I remember the train set weaving its way around the tree and all the wonderful gifts.   The time taterbug came up from Florida and walked from the Geneva train station in sub zero weather and knocked on our back door un-announced and scared the crap out of us.   On the 4th of July we would watch the blue angels fly over our house together.  I remember going into your office and thinking what a big shot I was because you are MY dad and you where an executive with his own office.  
         
                   The vacations we spent together are something I will always cherish.  I loved planning them with you.  I loved to go fishing.  We fished the Mighty Mississippi, when rocky's dad flashed the barge and I got attacked by a colony of ground bee's when I was pulling grass out of the ground to make a fire. Then I proceeded to run towards our camp with all the bee's in tow.  I really felt bad about everybody getting stung at camp.  
               Canada was a fantastic trip also. Your buddies were very gracious to me.  The border guards were a little tough on you when they found the extra carton of smokes tucked away in your live well and then cut up the cigarettes right in front of us.  The first day we pulled away from the dock in your boat and I turned around to look at you, you had a smile from ear to ear.   We shot across the lake to a special place you wanted to show me called frog head bay.  It was the most beautiful place. The water was only about 6 feet deep and crystal clear tucked away between large pine trees. There were only sounds of birds and whistle berries.  The fishing was pretty good, but just being with you was the best memory of all.  
                     
                  Our first trip to the badlands in your BMW convertible was an eye opening experience.  You opened up my eyes to how vast and open our country is.  The history of the west, going into Custer state park to see the buffalo and mules that stuck there heads inside the car. Eating breakfast at the blue bell.  

           Our second trip on the bikes was a whole other way to see the badlands.  I really enjoyed having Jay with us this time.  We have a chemistry when the three of us are together that only a father and sons could have.  Some day I want to take Mollie and Robin out there and experience all the things that we did.  

               We would get so excited the week before we would meet for a trip.  I didn't sleep very well because I was so anxious to be by your side.  I strive to have the same kind of relationship with Mollie that we have with each other.  We can tell by a simple gaze at each other without words how we feel.  The bond we have is something that nobody can take away from us.  
       
                       Now that I have become a father, I can see the joy I brought you. The things that I can't remember because I was to young.  I can now see the concerned  face of a 21 year old  father with a toddler and one on the way.  The joy of watching my first steps . The birth of another son.  Jay was the greatest gift you ever gave me.  I couldn't imagine my life without my brother.  

                        Dad,  I just want you to know that there isn't a day that has gone by that haven't thought about you and the sacrifices you made for Jay and I.   I am very proud of you and the things you have accomplished in your life. Sometimes I don't think you realize the gravity of how you have affected peoples lives thru your work.  You have saved many peoples lives from self destruction.  I know some of these wonderful people personally and I know this because they have told me what a great man you are.  

Love forever and always your son

[MMJ_fanatic]

Sorry about your Dad guy--that letter was a great way to send him off, nice work.  I'm sure he'll always be with you.

[vespachick]

Wow, I'm sure your dad was very pleased to have you read that letter to him.  What a wonderful thing to have been able to express yourself to him before his time.   I'm very sorry for your loss.  

[TheBigChicken]

So sorry for your loss...

[BH]

Wow, I bet your Dad felt pretty lucky to have such a great son.  Sorry for you loss man.   It must be tough.

[Penny Lane]

wow tater, i can't imagine what you're going through...at least you got to tell him all that

[Crispy]

Very sorry for your loss, sounds like you have some wonderful experiences and memories. I've seen cancer take a few of my friends' parents and my own relatives, it's hard to take.

[ItStillJaimoe]

Sorry about your loss. I really liked your letter. I'm glad you had a chance to recite it to him. Cancer is a brutal disease. It's claimed my dad and several family members and friends. Rest assured that you dad is in a better place and not enduring any more intolerable pain and suffering. I don't believe in heaven and hell, but I feel pretty sure that we all have a soul and your father's soul will never leave your side.

[Taterbug]

Thank you. I appreciate all the kind words. I know the letter is a little personal. I felt the need share my journey with my father with my MMJ family.   Much Love

[pawpaw]

Thanks for sharing your letter - your Dad sounds like a great guy. I wish you and your family well in getting through this...it sounds like your Dad (like my Dad) is the kind of guy that would want you to remember and honor him by getting out to some of those spots that you both loved, to reflect and regroup. I also think he'd want you to rock out to MMJ next month in Chicago!

Take care Taterbug  :)

[Ellis D.]

So sorry for your loss. When I read yesterday how much he liked "Look at You" I was very touched.

[megalicious]

i'm sorry for your loss, man.

*hug

[Kory]

very sorry for your loss, you're a strong individual.

[Jellyfish]

My condolences friend.That was great letter.I am sure he appreciates it.

[getinthevan]

Sorry for your loss.

[ycartrob]

I believe you carry his character in your letter, and your life onward.

peace

[TheBigChicken]

Thank you. I appreciate all the kind words. I know the letter is a little personal. I felt the need share my journey with my father with my MMJ family.   Much Love

I know exactly how you feel. It makes me mad when people say it's only a message board,and it's not real. It is real and it's alot more than a message board. It's a small family of people that care about one another.

[mjkoehler]

Sorry to hear about you loss.

[getinthevan]

Thank you. I appreciate all the kind words. I know the letter is a little personal. I felt the need share my journey with my father with my MMJ family.   Much Love

I know exactly how you feel. It makes me mad when people say it's only a message board,and it's not real. It is real and it's alot more than a message board. It's a small family of people that care about one another.

Amen

[aMillionDreams]

I am so sorry to hear that. I can't begin to think what I would do if the same thing happened to me. Stay strong.