Dear MMJ: Thanks.

[el_chode]

Thanks for all your kind thoughts.

I've got good news: the "flashbacks" are digestible now, and we accelerated our "let's get a dog after the wedding" plan. Meet Otis:



We saved his life, so we at least did something positive in all this!

[the_wizzard]

EC, my deepest condolences.  I know what you are going through, as I lost 2 very close friends, unexpectedly, to drug overdoses.  One was even a case worker at a rehab facility.  Keep the music flowing, it will keep you sane.

Hardest part: reconciling your friend with the addict. It's like two separate people. I don't know if Dondante is about that specifically, but the line "Behind thin walls you hid your feelings, takes four legs to make a ceiling like a thing" hit especially close to home. We all knew something was going on with him, but couldn't figure out what it was.

You will be able to do that, after you go through the stage of being pissed at your friend.  Trust me, I got fucking pissed at both my friends for choosing this one last high (they were 2 very different experiences at 2 separate times).  I also got pissed at:  one friend's girlfriend, the friends who encouraged the drug use (true in both cases), and the assholery at one friend's wake (ummm, who "parties" at a wake for a friend who died unexpectedly due to an overdose?).  Especially because I witnessed the loss and hurt their families went through, as well as my own pain.  But the loss is great, the what-if's will always linger.  I still to this day (it's been 12 and 7 years) have moments where I am like, shit, I have to call Dave or Chooch about this.  And then the reality sets in, once again.  But I love those boys and I do believe I have found a place where I can separate the love and friendship from the tragedy of their deaths.  Time does heal.

Oh, and btw, I have a doggie named Otis too!  

[the_wizzard]

And EC, personally I found it easier to go through the mourning process by holding onto the beautiful things life teaches us in the midst of tragedy.  For me that is:  you only get a minute in this life, you must always recognize the love you have within and around.  Treat people kind, tell those you respect and love how much they mean to you.  Don't get bogged down by the petty shit.  Even though so many years have passed, I hold these lessons true to my heart.  It is the one silver lining I have.  Death is the only way I truely and wholeheartedly understood these concepts.

[the_wizzard]

Steam Engine, that is the song that gets me every time and brings back the memories....

"So! I do believe.
None of this is physical, at least not to me.
So, I do believe that anywhere it goes it's always with me.
it's not the dream that makes you weak
it's not the night that makes you sleep
but it's a voice. and it's a choice
to call you out. or stay at home"