Perpetual Singledom

[ycartrob]

Ali brings up an interesting topic on another thread:

being single (and I assume you're meaning for a while, against your wishes?)

thoughts? ideas? suggestions? solutions? married folks, single folks, dating folks, perpetual singles, the asexual...let's hear it.

[tomEisenbraun]

well, being single is important, but if you want to be unsingle, then by gone, you should be. but not stupidly.

i dated this girl for a year and two months, told her i loved her, and thought i was going to marry her. turned out i was an idiot of an 18-year-old who was a pretty good dreamer, but didn't actually get the truth of it. i had stretched so far to be someone that she had wanted me to be that, when i came home from college for Christmas break and was with her everyday again, i had a ridiculously terrible identity crisis, and i couldn't figure out why, but i knew it had something to do with the relationship. turns out, it was because i had essentially been faking my identity in order to have this relationship work. that really sucks a lot, and i apologize to any woman on board here who's had a guy do that to them. if i learned anything from that relationship (and boy, did i) first and foremost is to be honest with your personality. if youaren't or can't be yourself around someone, why the hell would you think you could date them?

and i also have been discovering something about being a hopeless romantic recently. it's very easy to make someone out to be a superhero. i don't know why or how i do this, but i can so easily meet someone and fall in love with the idea of them. It's weird, like i'm almost afraid to get to know them more because i like what i've got in my head, while at the same time i have perfectly clear knowledge that I'm really only basically lying to myself about the whole shindig.

so hmmm, I don't know where I was going, but I think that's alright, since this seems pretty open.

oh, but yeah. so after that girl, God was very kind to me and showed me someone who basically restored my faith in women, because she was beautiful and excited about things and frickin happy. looking back, i don't really think much about the relationship, because it truly was a rebound relationship, but not in the sense that that connotes. it was basically what I needed from someone who cared in order that a lot of what I had to deal with in the aftermath of the first girl might be resolved in a much more positive light, and that I might be able to learn how to correctly handle a lot of the things I had never handled right. it was from Jen (the second girl) that I really learned how to be a man about things, rather than having someone telling me I needed to be a man and making me feel like a little boy in the process.

So this entire thing got even longer than I meant. So we broke up in May, because I think I was more serious than she could handle (I never realized I was an intense person until I dated Jen), and that was my first time really being single after a year and a half of dating between two different people. But that hasn't been all bad. I've learned a lot about myself, and have become my own person, especially in my faith, and I've been learning just who I'm growing into, and how to not be dependent on a relationship. But I am at the point where I would very much like to be in love again. Well, to be in love and actually know what that means. And truly mean it.



fini.

[Jaimoe]

Well, people that HAVE to be in a relationships are kinda pathetic - often making irrational or wrong mate choices overlooking eventual future problems just so they won't be alone.

I was single for 32 years and the best thing about being alone is that it allows for you to know exactly who you are as an individual, not having to "halve yourself" and be defined with your partner.  

[ali]

i've been single for a looooong time now, and i find it goes in phases - i do quite like being single, as there is a certain amount of freedom in being an adult, and making your own decisions. i think the time that i most enjoyed that was travelling by myself in europe this year. for someone who hadn't travelled overseas before, or even travelled alone before, it was incredibly liberating to make my own decisions and directions. while it would have been nice to share that with a boyfriend, i think that experience helped me grow as a person, knowing that i did all that by myself, having to really rely on my own instincts and abilities, and having an absolute ball at the same time.

that said, i do find being seemingly perpetually single quite sad. sad as in depressing (seeing all my friends meeting/falling in love with/and now marrying lovely people). not that i necessarily am aiming for marriage at this point, but....

 :-/

[primushead]

I hear ya, Ali.  

I mean, I'm a loner by trade.  I've only had a 'real' girlfriend for about a month during high school and it totally sucks being single sometimes.  

But, at the same time, I adore the time I spend by myself.  I spend a LOT of time playing guitar and listening to music, and if there's a woman out there who can accept that I do that alot, then I'm going to marry her.  

I like what Tom says.  You don't have to be single, just don't jump into a shitty relationship for the hell of it.  I know of 3 or 4 cases in the past couple of years where I could've had a girlfriend, but I knew I'd be sacrificing a huge amount of time doing the things I love to do...like play guitar, listen to albums and talk on the board while doing those things.  

And I knew those girls wouldn't be a fan of that.  It'd be high maintanence, and it would've certainly ended quickly.

Still, not having a female companion can be trying.  I think I'll write a song about it.

[FarmerYoda]

You guys should just all marry one another.

Again, I solve all problems.
Thank me later.

:-/[
am i insensitive? perhaps.

[JohnnyRage]

Thoughts?

Yeah, it eventually sucks. And in a relationship you eventually go crazy. Tough Choices.

For a while I've been feeling romantic, and I'm sick of being single.

[Angry Ewok]

I'm too shy with too low of a self esteem to be anything but single...

[ratsprayer]

when you get with someone, no matter who you are or who the other person is, there's a lot of shit you have to get the fuck over.  don't anyone try to argue with me, either.  it's hard to be in a relationship, no matter how great the other person is.  i was single a long time, pretty much my entire life up until the time i got in a relationship and eventually got married.  embrace life no matter what your status is.  you have to learn to love yourself before you can love someone else, and you have to learn to have fun on your own before you can have fun with another.

i don't believe in god or any of that, but i think things in life are meant to happen for a reason, good or bad.  if you're meant to be with someone and you set the intent for it, then it shall happen.  

[Angry Ewok]

you have to learn to love yourself before you can love someone else, and you have to learn to have fun on your own before you can have fun with another.

Agreed 100%...

[megisnotreal]

I love myself 100%. It's other people with whom I have all the problems (haha).

[primushead]

I love myself 100%. It's other people with whom I have all the problems (haha).

I, too, love Meg 100%  ;) ;)

[BH]

good luck comes from tryin'

 ;)

[EC]

good luck comes from tryin'

;)

that is the effin' truth.  that plus what ratz said, which is also the truth.

you have to be able to do your own thing, and you have to be able to do your own thing in a relationship, and your partner has to have their own thing going on as well, and you can't ever let a broken heart stop you from trying again.  they all work together, though - if you're cool with you, you know you'll be okay no matter what happens in your relationship.  and you have to remind yourself of that all the time.  and you have to try hard for love.  you have to work for it.

i also don't know about this compromise thing that everyone says is the key to a good relationship.  my rule is this: please don't do anything for me that you don't want to, and please don't ask me to do anything for you that i don't want to.  as opposed to "hey i did that thing for you that i didn't like, so now i'm gonna make you do that thing for me that i know you don't want to."  

love rulez.

[SiOuxTribe]

I choose single, simply because I am a bitter old grouch, and frankly most women I meet annoy the shit out me.   Then again, its a certain demographic, and those girls me for seem to hiding in the mystical nymph forest somewhere.  I have never been in an actual relationship, only a few 'couple week' stands.  I have now hit a tremendous dry spell that is 10 monthes strong.  I haven't even touched a woman in that long.  I'm feeling rather lonely and meaningless though.   If I could just hold a fine lass close, with a glass of wine and a full belly I'd be content.

[ManNamedTruth]

People are strange when you're a stranger
Faces look ugly when you're alone
Women seem wicked when you're unwanted
Streets are uneven when you're down

I've been thinking about these lyrics a lot lately and how they describe my situation quite perfectly. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one.

[ali]

frankly most women I meet annoy the shit out me.

here's hoping the mmj ladies aren't included in that... :-/

[megisnotreal]

Eh. Being lonely sucks, but...

I'm just becoming ambivalent about it all.

Do I wish I had someone to hold me and tell me I'm pretty and all that shit? Yes.

Do I wish I had someone to whom I had to answer and whose feelings I always had to consider? No.

I went on a few dates last week with a guy I thought was going to be pretty cool. But... Yet again, my assumptions prove to be incorrect. He started to tell me what to do, and then he had the audacity to get pissed at me when I didn't want to see him for the third night in a row.

Gah. I need my "me" time. Deal with it. Codependency makes my tummy hurt.  :-/

I guess what I'm getting at is that I would much rather be alone than have to tolerate any unnecessary bullshit.  That statment may make me seem like a cold, heartless woman, but I'm not. I'm actually very sweet and loveable (no kidding).

I am just way too picky. I refuse to "settle."

[JohnnyRage]

Last Thurs I turned down an attractive date to see the Old 97's. The night of the show she wanted to make sure that it wouldn't interfere with her watching Grey's Anatomy from 8 -9.

So instead I went by myself and enjoyed the show, selling my extra ticket at the door. I mean headliners usually don't take the stage till about 1030. Of course it wouldn't interfere, but come on, are you serious?!?

The first night we casually went out to see the movie  "The Science of Sleep", I could immediately tell by her stylish pumps and her overly large handbag that she wasn't the girl I was looking for.

I have few friends in Dallas that are on the same wave length as I. Most of those friends are back in Austin. The night before I caught a good show by the Black Angels, alone.

In Summary, I make a lot of early decisions and set roadblocks in my own head that I should just do my own thing rather than be with someone whom I have little interest in or who has minimal interest in the things that I like to do.

I'm sure some of that is not wanting to confront some of my own insecurities. A lot of it has to do with not wanting to waste somebody's time, or have them get hurt, when I "decide" that I'm not attracted to them for some "trite" reason.

[jrat]

having just fallen head over heels for a woman for the first time in my life, at 22 years old, i love this thread.

i have refused to settle all my life, and finally my patience has paid off. ive known this girl for a while, infact we went to highschool together, but never spoke ONCE. she thought i was hot, and i thought she was very interesting, having immigrated here from Colombia at 15 years old. i had so many questions and never asked. after highschool, i never saw her, but one of my best friends was also her closest friend from the moment she came to my school. he started to bring her out, and she'd argue with me all the time. i loved it, a woman more than willing to stand up for herself, and fight for what she beleived in. we secretly wanted each other for months, then in august while at our annual massive 4 day cottage party, it all came to a head, the result a steamy night in a locked room while others around us partied. its been a whirlwind since, with some of the most romantic moments a hopeless romantic like myself could ask for.

im absolutely in love and finally a better man because of it.  relationships can be a complete waste of time and energy, but when one comes along that you just dont see ending anytime soon, its more than worth the effort.

Thats why i havent been to this site in ages. to steal one from will farrells crossroads devil, " ive been bit by the love bat, and its driving me MAAAADD!!"

it comes to you when you least expect it, of that im a firm beleiver.