need relationship advice from yall.

[Such]

Im a 29 yr old guy right? Right. I have the opportunity to become a home-wrecker and start to seriously date a...20 year old.  I mean....Has anyone really ended up happy living with that young of a, and that large of an age gap? I feel like the old guy for the first time ever.  :-X BUT this would end a miserable 5 year fiance bs deal that she is currently considering ending. Can anyone relate?  

[thatswhatshesaid]

man, i wouldnt touch that with a ten foot pole. if she has been in a relationship for 5 years, i would think she needs space before jumping into something serious. you also have to think about the karma factor of being a homewrecker. but whatever happens, good luck with it.

[Such]

ya, the karma factor is big here, but she makes him sound like a pile. and the space thing, i told her that this is moving fast for the both of us..we both agree on that, but shit. im at the age lol where i have to take it all a little slow!

[ycartrob]

You might want to consider if she's been dating since 15 and now is ready to jump to someone new, she might not have a firm grip on her identity, and her identity might be wrapped up in who she's with.  It sounds like, for her, being single would be the best thing in her life. Plus, if she'll cheat on her current fiance, she'll cheat on you, too (plus, you're sort of cheating too).

I could also be absolutely, 100% wrong.

[thatswhatshesaid]

ya, the karma factor is big here, but she makes him sound like a pile. and the space thing, i told her that this is moving fast for the both of us..we both agree on that, but shit. im at the age lol where i have to take it all a little slow!

you also have to remember you are only hearing one side of the story. and true on the identity thing. i had no idea who i was when i was 20.

[TheBigChicken]

RUN LIKE HELL...shit like that can get people REALLY hurt and yes even sometimes they get their heads blown OFF....good luck!!!!!

[mjkoehler]

I agree. I wouldn't get involved with that. Not too many people know who they are at 20. Hell I wasn't even sure who I was at 30. The 9 year gap isn't so much a concern, more the 5 year relationship thing then jumping straight to you. That's a little scary. You could be heading down a slippery slop that only leads to pain and heartache for you at the end. Tread carefully there young warrior.

[aMD]

I've gotta say that my wife was in a long term relationship, though not a marriage, when I met her.  She cheated with me.  As far as I know she's never cheated on me.

/i wonder what her myspace password is...   ;) ;) ;) ;)

[Such]

thanks a lot. im just afraid to tell her everything you all said, because its the bleek truth.  but shes just so damn cute!  ;)

[TheBigChicken]

thanks a lot. im just afraid to tell her everything you all said, because its the bleek truth.  but shes just so damn cute!  ;)

do yourself a favor and go adopt a puppy from an animal shelter...it will be cheaper and they're CUTE too :D

[Jaimoe]

The 9 year age difference isn't that big of a deal. I met my wife when she was 23 and I was 32. We've been married a year and a half after being together for 7 years. However, I don't trust people that leave a relationship only to start up another on the quick. Also, she may be playing you as the tool to end the relationship. I doubt she has a clear head since breakups make people think crazy thoughts. Let her breakup with her boyfriend and stay clear for a few months - the longer the better. If she really likes you, then a bit of time off won't matter and chances are she'll know who she is as a single person - something she hasn't been since she was 15.

[ycartrob]

The 9 year age difference isn't that big of a deal. I met my wife when she was 23 and I was 32.

Ditto! Been together for 10 years (married for 7).

[Jaimoe]

However, I work with a woman/friend who has a husband that's 25 years older. Now that is leading to complications as I write. Sometime age does become a factor, but not around the 5-10 year window.

[Taterbug]

I think both parties benefited in this relationship.
As was said by Tracy, If she is cheating currently, she will most likely do it to you. I have seen to many times before, The odds are not in your favor.  But good luck anyway.

[pawpaw]

Well Such, that's quite a dilemma. It really is tough to give good advice without knowing the two of you. I've got a good friend who stole a girl (he'd known for less than a year) away from an extended engagement. They were both in their early 20s when they met, have now been married for 8 years now and are going strong. As far as the age difference, I can only generalize (again, without knowing the two of you), but if you both make your intentions known and are honest about where you want things to go, then you should be fine. I'm also 29, and I'm sure that at least half of the 20 year old women in the world are far more mature and self aware than I am. And it is OK for her to need to continue to grow and discover herself; it doesn't mean that she'll be any less of a partner.

I'll say this though, if you both really want to be with each other and make a lasting, strong relationship together, then think about this. (Sorry if I'm too blunt here, I often have that problem) If you've already had sex, then I don't think that a relationship will last. Neither of you are respecting her current commitment, and people really don't change too much. But if you've taken the high road with her so far, and you feel that she's genuine and not just using you as an excuse to get out, then go get her.

Again, sorry for my bluntness. Actually, my best advice is to ask a friend that has your back and knows you both.

[Angry Ewok]

If you've already had sex, then I don't think that a relationship will last. Neither of you are respecting her current commitment, and people really don't change too much.

Bingo. Folks who build relationships on cheating will continue to cheat...

[TheBigChicken]

If you've already had sex, then I don't think that a relationship will last. Neither of you are respecting her current commitment, and people really don't change too much.

Bingo. Folks who build relationships on cheating will continue to cheat...

damn good point

[TEO]

Snag it, bag it, tag it, and then run like a motherfucker!  ;)

[Such]

i think i am too insecure to offer the obvious, which, in agreement with others here, which is to suggest to single life to her. She DOES need to discover a lot about herself. She is green in a lot of ways. At least to me, and I'm mr. cool. (ya, right) But today at work it went kind of far. We have been using a locking unused office to make out during lunch. It has been like a movie good. Now the lines are blurred and I feel even more deeply for her. man, o man. I just cant get all head over heels like I always do and ring myself if it goes sour. thanks guys, i really appreciate everyone's words.

[.Walt]

[size=20]You know what this calls for!![/size]