the random thoughts thread

[capt. scotty]

How the hell do you sneak in footlong blades at a prison?! Better question, unless youre Crocodile Dundee, why the hell do you need a blade that big???

What happened to a good old 4 inch shank you can break off in someone's gut?

Id be afraid of accidentally castrating myself if I had 1 of those hidden on me as I was making my way to the cafeteria

[Vadie Stark]

We don't sneak them in we make them here capn.  ;)

[the_wizzard]

remember when there was a show, and you really wanted to go and was worried that it might sell out.  remember when you would go out at the crack of dawn, possibly skip school ( ::)) and wait in line outside the ticket outlet for them to open.  Then you would have crazy anxiety, hoping that by the time that you made it to the counter when the tickets went on sale, that you would get the tickets you needed.  It was work.  Finding ill attended ticket outlets and the such.  Ones that opened early.  remember when....  ;)

Now it all seems like the luck of the draw on the computer.

[Janet]

Wow, that brought back some great memories...

[capt. scotty]

remember when there was a show, and you really wanted to go and was worried that it might sell out.  remember when you would go out at the crack of dawn, possibly skip school ( ::)) and wait in line outside the ticket outlet for them to open.  Then you would have crazy anxiety, hoping that by the time that you made it to the counter when the tickets went on sale, that you would get the tickets you needed.  It was work.  Finding ill attended ticket outlets and the such.  Ones that opened early.  remember when....  ;)

Now it all seems like the luck of the draw on the computer.

TRUE THAT!!!

Im too young to have experienced that, but fuck ticketmaster - and moreso TicketsNow, Stubhub, etc.

I would totally pitch a tent and camp out over night for Phish tickets instead of trying to win the ticketmaster "lottery" online and then see hundreds of tickets for sale on their partner site for 10X the cost a minute later

BULLSHIT.

I thuoght scalping was illegal?!  :-? >:(

[Ruckus]

How the hell do you sneak in footlong blades at a prison?! Better question, unless youre Crocodile Dundee, why the hell do you need a blade that big???

What happened to a good old 4 inch shank you can break off in someone's gut?

Id be afraid of accidentally castrating myself if I had 1 of those hidden on me as I was making my way to the cafeteria

That's a real cool picture.  You know you don't sneak one in.  You just pay the guards, pretty easy.

Yeah, one of our clients just put a 4 inch shank into his cellmate ohh about 8 times but he survived.

[capt. scotty]

How the hell do you sneak in footlong blades at a prison?! Better question, unless youre Crocodile Dundee, why the hell do you need a blade that big???

What happened to a good old 4 inch shank you can break off in someone's gut?

Id be afraid of accidentally castrating myself if I had 1 of those hidden on me as I was making my way to the cafeteria

That's a real cool picture.  You know you don't sneak one in.  You just pay the guards, pretty easy.

Yeah, one of our clients just put a 4 inch shank into his cellmate ohh about 8 times but he survived.

:o

Is he Paul Pierce or Fitty Cent?!

That made me think of this scene from a movie. Skip to 4:30 in.

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6M6k_U-93M[/media]

[dragonboy]

RIP Mickey Mouse (Jr Jr)  :'(

Mickey & Minnie were married in real life? I think that's really quite touching  :)

http://www.imdb.com/news/ns0000002/#ni0794048

Voice Of Mickey Mouse Dies

20 May 2009 6:35 PM, PDT

The man who gave Mickey Mouse a voice for the last 30 years has died.

Vocal artist Wayne Allwine, 62, passed away of complications from diabetes on Monday, with his wife Russi Taylor - the voice of Minnie Mouse - at his bedside.

Allwine joined Disney in 1966 as a mail room attendant and went on to work in the sound effects department.

In 1977, he became the third man to provide a voice for the company's iconic cartoon character, after Walt Disney and Jimmy MacDonald.

His falsetto will live on at Disney theme parks around the world, as well as in films such as 1983's Mickey's Christmas Carol and 1988's Who Framed Roger Rabbit.

Roy E. Disney, the director emeritus for The Walt Disney Co., has paid tribute to Allwine, insisting he not only gave Mickey Mouse a voice but "a heart and soul as well."

Disney adds, "He did an incredible job of bringing emotion, humour and appeal to the character."

[Vadie Stark]

When I took this pic the guy at the store came up and said that I couldn't take pictures of the guitars.... couple days before in Seattle I was taking a pic of a hoody in a store and the guy there said you can't take pictures of the clothes.... weird :P

[mjkoehler]

Read the description then the comments. This is either the sadest thing ever or the funniest. Right now I'm almost crying from laughing.

http://www.amazon.com/Three-T-Shirt-Available-Various-Sizes/dp/B000NZW3IY/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

[Jaimoe]

A reporter on tonight's 6pm local Toronto CTV newscast said that the suspect in a shooting is a black male, wearing a green puffy jacket with a hoodie, black gloves and black mask.

Wearing a black mask and black gloves eh?

So the question is: How do you know the suspect is black? Maybe he's East Indian or a tanned Asian, perhaps he's wearing brown makeup or he's just a piece of dirty white trash? Bad bad reporting. In fact it's disgusting.

[Leontheslut]

A reporter on tonight's 6pm local Toronto CTV newscast said that the suspect in a shooting is a black male, wearing a green puffy jacket with a hoodie, black gloves and black mask.

Wearing a black mask and black gloves eh?

So the question is: How do you know the suspect is black? Maybe he's East Indian or a tanned Asian, perhaps he's wearing brown makeup or he's just a piece of dirty white trash? Bad bad reporting. In fact it's disgusting.

If he was wearing a ski mask you can probably see the part around his eyes. No need sending people on a wild goose chase looking for a "tanned asian"

[Jaimoe]

A reporter on tonight's 6pm local Toronto CTV newscast said that the suspect in a shooting is a black male, wearing a green puffy jacket with a hoodie, black gloves and black mask.

Wearing a black mask and black gloves eh?

So the question is: How do you know the suspect is black? Maybe he's East Indian or a tanned Asian, perhaps he's wearing brown makeup or he's just a piece of dirty white trash? Bad bad reporting. In fact it's disgusting.

If he was wearing a ski mask you can probably see the part around his eyes. No need sending people on a wild goose chase looking for a "tanned asian"

It's lazy journalism. Anyone could have further disguised themselves with simple use of brown makeup. Assumptions don't stand up in court. Anyway, this is about what a reporter said, without referring to any police statement.

[Vadie Stark]

LucyLew gave me a book these are a few excerpts:



#67 Standing still at concerts
Music is very important to white people. It truly is the soundtrack to their lives, meaning that white people are constantly thinking about what songs would be on the soundtrack for the biopic. The problem is that most of the music that white people like isn't really dance-friendly. More often the songs are about pain, or love, or breaking up with someone, or not being able to date someone, or death.So when white people go to concerts at smaller venues, what to do they do? They stand still! This is an important part of white concert going as it enables you to focus on the music, and it will prevent drawing excess attention to you. Remember, at a concert everyone is watching you just waiting for you to try to start dancing. Then they will make fun of you.

The result is Belle and Sebastian concerts that essentially looks more like a disorganized line of people than a music event.

If you find yourself invited to a concert with a white person, do NOT expect to dance. Prepare yourself for three hours of standing reasonably still. It is also advised to get a beer or (if legal) a cigarette so you have something to do with your hands. Although it is acceptable to occasionally raise one hand and point just above the stage.

Note: the addition of the drug ecstasy changes everything.


#116 Black Music That Black People Don't Listen To Any more


All music genres go through a very similar life cycle: birth, growth, mainstream acceptance, decline, and finally obscurity.  With black music, however, the final stage is never reached because white people are work tirelessly to keep it alive.  Apparently, once a music has lost its relevance with its intended audience, it becomes MORE relevant to white people.
Historically speaking, the music that white people have kept on life support for the longest period of time is Jazz.  Thanks largely to public radio, bookstores, and coffee shops, Jazz has carved out a niche in white culture that is not yet ready to be replaced by Indie Rock.  But the biggest role that Jazz plays in white culture is in the white fantasy of leisure. All white people believe that they prefer listening to jazz over watching television.  This is not true.

Every few a months, a white person will put on some Jazz and pour themselves a glass of wine or scotch and tell themselves how nice it is.  Then they will get bored and watch television or write emails to other white people about how nice it was to listen to Jazz at home.  "Last night, I poured myself a glass of Shiraz and put Charlie Parker on the Bose.  It was so relaxing, I wish I had a fireplace."  Listing this activity as one of your favorites is a sure fire way to make progress towards a romantic relationship with a white person.

Along with Jazz, white people have also taken quite a shine to The Blues, an art form that captured the pain of the black experience in America.  Then, in the 1960s, a bunch of British bands started to play their own version of the music and white people have been loving it ever since.  It makes sense considering that the British were the ones who created The Blues in the 17th Century.

Today, white people keep The Blues going strong by taking vacations to Memphis, forming awkward bands, making documentaries, and organizing folk festivals.  Blue and Jazz music appeal mostly to older white people and select few young ones who probably wear fedoras.  But that doesn't mean that young white people aren't working hard to preserve music that has lost relevance.  No, there are literally thousands of white people who are giving their all to keep old school Hip Hop alive.

Even as you read this, white people are telling other white people about the golden age of Hip Hop that they experienced in a suburban high school or through a viewing of The Wackness.

If you are good at concealing laughter and contempt, you should ask a white person about "Real Hip Hop."  They will quickly tell you about how they don't listen to "Commercial Hip Hop" (aka music that black people actually enjoy), and that they much prefer "Classic Hip Hop."

"I don't listen to that commercial stuff. I'm more into the Real Hip Hop, you know?  KRS One, Del Tha Funkee Homosapien, De La Soul, Wu Tang, you know, The Old School."

Calling this style of music 'old school' is considered an especially apt name since the majority of people who listen to it did so while attending old schools such as Dartmouth, Bard, and Williams College.

What it all comes down to is that white people are convinced that if they were alive when this music was relevant that they would have been into it.  They would have been Alan Lomax or Rick Rubin.  Now the best they can hope for is to impress an older black person with their knowledge.

#101 Being Offended



To be offended is usually a rather unpleasant experience, one that can expose a person to intolerance, cultural misunderstandings, and even evoke the scars of the past.  This is such an unpleasant experience that many people develop a thick skin and try to only be offended in the most egregious and awful situations.  In many circumstances, they can allow smaller offenses to slip by as fighting them is a waste of time and energy.  But white people, blessed with both time and energy, are not these kind of people.  In fact there are few things white people love more than being offended.

Naturally, white people do not get offended by statements directed at white people.  In fact, they don't even have a problem making offensive statements about other white people (ask a white person about "flyover states").  As a rule, white people strongly prefer to get offended on behalf of other people.

It is also valuable to know that white people spend a significant portion of their time preparing for the moment when they will be offended.  They read magazines, books, and watch documentaries all in hopes that one day they will encounter a person who will say something offensive.  When this happens, they can leap into action with quotes, statistics, and historical examples.  Once they have finished lecturing another white person about how it's wrong to use the term "black" instead of "African-American," they can sit back and relax in the knowledge that they have made a difference.

White people also get excited at the opportunity to be offended at things that are sexist and/or homophobic.  Both cases offering ample opportunities for lectures, complaints, graduate classes, lengthy discussions and workshops.  All of which do an excellent job of raising awareness among white people who hope to change their status from "not racist" to "super not racist."

Another thing worth noting is that the threshold for being offended is a very important tool for judging and ranking white people. Missing an opportunity to be outraged is like missing a reference to Derrida-it's social death.

If you ever need to make a white person feel indebted to you, wait for them to mention a book, film, or television show that features a character who is the same race as you,  then say "the representation of <insert race> was offensive and if you can't see that, well, you need to do some soul searching."  After they return from their hastily booked trip to land of your ancestors, they will be desperate to make it up to you.  At this point, it is acceptable to ask them to help you paint your house.

[capt. scotty]

Read the description then the comments. This is either the sadest thing ever or the funniest. Right now I'm almost crying from laughing.

http://www.amazon.com/Three-T-Shirt-Available-Various-Sizes/dp/B000NZW3IY/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

;D

When I saw how many reviews there were, I figured a bunch were just ripping on teh shirt or sarcasticly giving it a great review (which there are both), but the shirt's sales ranking on Amazon for apparel is #1. We have so many more hillbillies in the USA than even I imagined  ;D :D

[mjkoehler]

Read the description then the comments. This is either the sadest thing ever or the funniest. Right now I'm almost crying from laughing.

http://www.amazon.com/Three-T-Shirt-Available-Various-Sizes/dp/B000NZW3IY/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

;D

When I saw how many reviews there were, I figured a bunch were just ripping on teh shirt or sarcasticly giving it a great review (which there are both), but the shirt's sales ranking on Amazon for apparel is #1. We have so many more hillbillies in the USA than even I imagined  ;D :D

Seriously, reading this is like taking a trip to Wal-Mart on a Saturday afternoon.

[TheBigChicken]

Read the description then the comments. This is either the sadest thing ever or the funniest. Right now I'm almost crying from laughing.

http://www.amazon.com/Three-T-Shirt-Available-Various-Sizes/dp/B000NZW3IY/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

;D

When I saw how many reviews there were, I figured a bunch were just ripping on teh shirt or sarcasticly giving it a great review (which there are both), but the shirt's sales ranking on Amazon for apparel is #1. We have so many more hillbillies in the USA than even I imagined  ;D :D

Seriously, reading this is like taking a trip to Wal-Mart on a Saturday afternoon.

hoax

[TheBigChicken]

Read the description then the comments. This is either the sadest thing ever or the funniest. Right now I'm almost crying from laughing.

http://www.amazon.com/Three-T-Shirt-Available-Various-Sizes/dp/B000NZW3IY/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

;D

When I saw how many reviews there were, I figured a bunch were just ripping on teh shirt or sarcasticly giving it a great review (which there are both), but the shirt's sales ranking on Amazon for apparel is #1. We have so many more hillbillies in the USA than even I imagined  ;D :D

Seriously, reading this is like taking a trip to Wal-Mart on a Saturday afternoon.

hoax

[capt. scotty]

Read the description then the comments. This is either the sadest thing ever or the funniest. Right now I'm almost crying from laughing.

http://www.amazon.com/Three-T-Shirt-Available-Various-Sizes/dp/B000NZW3IY/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

;D

When I saw how many reviews there were, I figured a bunch were just ripping on teh shirt or sarcasticly giving it a great review (which there are both), but the shirt's sales ranking on Amazon for apparel is #1. We have so many more hillbillies in the USA than even I imagined  ;D :D

Seriously, reading this is like taking a trip to Wal-Mart on a Saturday afternoon.

hoax

how so?!

[Leontheslut]

LucyLew gave me a book these are a few excerpts:



#67 Standing still at concerts
Music is very important to white people. It truly is the soundtrack to their lives, meaning that white people are constantly thinking about what songs would be on the soundtrack for the biopic. The problem is that most of the music that white people like isn't really dance-friendly. More often the songs are about pain, or love, or breaking up with someone, or not being able to date someone, or death.So when white people go to concerts at smaller venues, what to do they do? They stand still! This is an important part of white concert going as it enables you to focus on the music, and it will prevent drawing excess attention to you. Remember, at a concert everyone is watching you just waiting for you to try to start dancing. Then they will make fun of you.

The result is Belle and Sebastian concerts that essentially looks more like a disorganized line of people than a music event.

If you find yourself invited to a concert with a white person, do NOT expect to dance. Prepare yourself for three hours of standing reasonably still. It is also advised to get a beer or (if legal) a cigarette so you have something to do with your hands. Although it is acceptable to occasionally raise one hand and point just above the stage.

Note: the addition of the drug ecstasy changes everything.


#101 Being Offended



To be offended is usually a rather unpleasant experience, one that can expose a person to intolerance, cultural misunderstandings, and even evoke the scars of the past.  This is such an unpleasant experience that many people develop a thick skin and try to only be offended in the most egregious and awful situations.  In many circumstances, they can allow smaller offenses to slip by as fighting them is a waste of time and energy.  But white people, blessed with both time and energy, are not these kind of people.  In fact there are few things white people love more than being offended.

Naturally, white people do not get offended by statements directed at white people.  In fact, they don't even have a problem making offensive statements about other white people (ask a white person about "flyover states").  As a rule, white people strongly prefer to get offended on behalf of other people.

It is also valuable to know that white people spend a significant portion of their time preparing for the moment when they will be offended.  They read magazines, books, and watch documentaries all in hopes that one day they will encounter a person who will say something offensive.  When this happens, they can leap into action with quotes, statistics, and historical examples.  Once they have finished lecturing another white person about how it's wrong to use the term "black" instead of "African-American," they can sit back and relax in the knowledge that they have made a difference.

White people also get excited at the opportunity to be offended at things that are sexist and/or homophobic.  Both cases offering ample opportunities for lectures, complaints, graduate classes, lengthy discussions and workshops.  All of which do an excellent job of raising awareness among white people who hope to change their status from "not racist" to "super not racist."

Another thing worth noting is that the threshold for being offended is a very important tool for judging and ranking white people. Missing an opportunity to be outraged is like missing a reference to Derrida-it's social death.

If you ever need to make a white person feel indebted to you, wait for them to mention a book, film, or television show that features a character who is the same race as you,  then say "the representation of <insert race> was offensive and if you can't see that, well, you need to do some soul searching."  After they return from their hastily booked trip to land of your ancestors, they will be desperate to make it up to you.  At this point, it is acceptable to ask them to help you paint your house.

Man I love that site!

The first part: It's so true! White people love standing still at a concert. I am ALWAYS the outcast who can't keep still. It's music and it's groovy, even if it doesn't have a dance beat. I can't understand not being able to rock out at a show. Maybe it helps that I'm usually a few deep.

The last part: It's as funny as it is true! Certain people LOVE being offended. They just hang on to every word/keystroke just waiting for that one thing they can use to label you as a racist/bigot. Then they try to convince you how you feel about things and probably that you commit hate crimes/  ;D You can find these people everywhere. The part about how they love being offended for other races/cultures is spot on. You can say anything derogatory towards whites and it's fine, but if they are not white, (or white and not straight) it's the end of world.  

Great stuff ETB. I totally forgot about that site.  :)