Please Read....I Need Advice

[TheBigChicken]

Friends.....forum members....my life is a wreck at this point. My relationship of 10 years is in shambles and almost over. I have no friends here in Tampa and really have no ties to this area. My brother practices law in OK City and has told me that I could come and live with him. He has alot of connections and can help me get up on my feet. At the age of 40, starting over really scares me but  I'm afraid to wait here and let things get any worse. It's not like I'm leaving behind a "career" in Tampa. My job is a line cook in a local bar. Not exactly irreplacable. You probably think that I've made up my mind by this point but I haven't. I never had any kids and would be leaving my dog behind with my girlfriend. Some of you say no big deal only a dog but he's like my little boy plus when my mother was dying she bought me this chihuahua,so he's kinda special and it hurts. It's pathetic that I have to ask a forum what I should do bit like I said I don't have any friends here. Any advice  would be appreciated at this point. Thanks

[Tracy 2112]

J,

Hey man. I don't have any advice. It would be really hard for me to leave my dogs, so I feel you on that one. My thought is the harder it is to leave the more you are prepared to be in your new place. Does that make sense? We have to do so many hard things in life. I know my biggest opportunities for growth have always been the really hard things and not the easy, light stuff. I don't want to minimize how much that decision would suck for you and your dog. I believe in the line that every time a door closes another door opens. This sounds like it would be a big move on many different levels. I would suggest if you do leave that you do some ceremony work in Tampa; leave some stuff behind (if you know what I mean).

Peace

Tracy

(some words by David Whyte)

START CLOSE IN

Start close in,
don't take the second step
or the third,
start with the first
thing
close in,
the step you don't want to take.

Start with
the ground
you know,
the pale ground
beneath your feet,
your own
way of starting
the conversation.

Start with your own
question,
give up on other
people's questions,
don't let them
smother something
simple.

To find
another's voice
follow
your own voice,
wait until
that voice
becomes a
private ear
listening
to another.

Start right now
take a small step
you can call your own
don't follow
someone else's
heroics, be humble
and focused,
start close in,
don't mistake
that other
for your own.

Start close in,
don't take the second step
or the third,
start with the first
thing
close in,
the step you don't want to take.


~ David Whyte ~

[el_chode]

Help us out...what makes you buzz? What do you want to do? I'm not talking about like "if money were no object" type pipe dreams, but regardless of career trajectory, by age 40 you've got skills doing something because you've made it this far and I'm sure somethings are more preferential than others.

Example: I know a guy who recently just packed up and moved to CA, got a job packaging beer at Green Flash, and is now full time at the brewery. Total gamble in that sense, but it worked.

Stuff like that. You've got a multi-geographic resource here, so maybe someone else has some stories that spark something.

And for what it's worth, I could never leave my pooch behind, so don't feel guilty making that a condition on where/what you do.

[el_chode]

Another very random suggestion: another friend of mine one day just up and moved to Key West and got a job as a pedicab driver. He loved it until he got bored, so he rode his bike from Key West to Montana, harvested Sugar Beets, then rode his bike to Philly and is now doing who knows what

I know that might not be exactly what you have in mind, but I've always admired this guy for doing his own thing and wished I had the balls to do the same.

[mjk73]

J

If things are irreparable, you know what you need to do. Starting over isn't fun or easy, but sometimes it's necessary.

[Jaimoe]

You need to clear your head, so pack up and leave and join family and a postive environment. Life begins at 40? It can, it has, it will. Try to get your dog back, but if you can't, it's in a good home (hopefully) and perhaps your former girlfriend can see the reason why you should have it. If not, fuck her. Perhaps you can get he/she back at some point, but you may have to wait it out. Once you start a new job again and/or surround yourself with positives, you'll feel better and know what your next move will be. It's not the end of the world, but the beginning of something bigger and better.

[Randall]

... I've always admired this guy for doing his own thing and wished I had the balls to do the same.

I've got friends like this and also admire their adaptability and comfort with change.

If things are irreparable, you know what you need to do. Starting over isn't fun or easy, but sometimes it's necessary.

x2
change is really hard, so many people stay unhappy rather than take the chance and make the big move and forever wonder if a change would make them happy, but you have the perfect opportunity to do so RIGHT NOW!  I say go for it!
A potential plus would be a possible strengthening of your relationship with your brother (not sure how close you are now considering the distance). 

[kydiddle]

Don't ever be afraid of change. Go somewhere you can clear your head (agreed, Jaimoe!) and put your own interests first and everything else will fall in line. Not sure if my lady advice holds any weight or not, but you're sweet for being so concerned about your dog. Animals are family and I hope you can get him back.

And you're not pathetic for asking advice here on the forum. It's a great community in here. Best of luck to you.  :)

[TEO]

As I sit here with my dog in my lap do not leave the dog. He has been there for you and will continue to be there for you when people have not been and will not be...

[weeniebeenie]

I don't have any advice but I sincerely hope that everything works out for you in the best possible way. Keep your chin up.

[Paulie_Walnuts]

Sounds to me like the only reason you might stay in Tampa is the dog is that right?

If so, the dog will still be with your ex and will have a happy life.

I'd get my ass to where my brother was, let him hook me up with something, and start enjoying a new life! 40 is young......get out there and have some fun and a new life!

[Paulie_Walnuts]

I just realised I said "a new life" twice in two sentences! I must have REALLY meant it!

It's a sign....... ;D

Seriously, you're gonna get different advice from everybody so it ain't going to make the decision any easier. I reckon deep down you know what you want to do.

[tdb810]

Hi,

I don't know you at all, other than posts on the forum, but my heart goes out to you.  I'm so sorry to hear about this difficult time you find yourself in, but I am glad to hear that you are clearly recognizing that things aren't working The way that are, and that a change is imminent.  Remember, change can be such a wonderful thing sometimes, though going through it can be very painful and scary.

I can't tell you the answer, and I think yu are going to figure it out on your own, at the right time. Please know that there are many people here who care, and that there is always joy to be found in the music. Take care!!!

Oh and PS I have a single girlfriend in Tampa..... ;DSorry, just sayin'

[lil sis]

Can you not bring the dog with you to your brother's place or is it a custody issue with your ex?

[Crispy]

Hey man, I'll be the nth person here to say how hard change is, but once you do, it's almost always worth it. Turning 40 changed a few things for me, if not the locale. Hey, since you are a chicken guy, I can tell you that people in Oklahoma love them home-grown eggs and we have good farmers markets. You might be the next Chicken King of Oklahoma! I can guarantee you this: if you do end up out here, look me up and we will have a beer (or beverage of your choosing) or three. Good luck to you.

[Ruckus]

I have no advice man but if the relationship is over, a new start with family and an opportunity to build new friendships somewhere new seems appealing to me.   That your brother has connections is great.  Plus, I can't imagine it to be an ideal situation for  a now sober person working in a bar.  Hell, what do I know.

Best to you John :)

[CTdeadhead]

I too am 40 and got divorced last year.  I picked up and moved to a new part of the country and started over.  It hasn't been perfect, but it was what I needed to forget that I was married for 12 years.  I say go for the move, Tampa is always gonna be there.  Opportunity will not. 

[Penny Lane]

Hey John,

Sorry I am just now seeing this thread! I'm so sorry about your relationship. Seems that a lot of people I know are in your situation and having to start over again at 40. My brother's going through that now out in CA. Having to date again, make friends, live alone, realize that most of his friends/family are back in the midwest. But take heart, there is nothing to cleanse the soul like a fresh start. The things we do out of our comfort zone are the only things that make us grow (sort of pain is weakness leaving the body). Whether you stay in Tampa or give Ok City a shot, just remember that day by day, you WILL recover and feel more like yourself. It just takes time. Whenever you get overwhelmed, take a deep breath and think 'this too shall pass' because it will. We're all here for you and it sounds like a lot of people on here have gone through what you're going through. Good luck with everything  ;) :) 

P

[mjk73]

John, if you do head to OK City, let me know. We have a large factory there (Edmound which I believe is a 'burb) and I can at least get you a contact there to see about applying.