Getting girls.....

[utonynashm]

I suck at life, so it's no surprise I have never had any connection to women...I am very shy in any public place really...And do not approach women at all...

I have come to the point that, I have more intrest in music and filling my mind with kowledge, then wasting my time trying to pick up a girl or whatever...

So I am asking...Is anyone just kinda float through life like a loner and maybe pick up the casual date rarley?

Cause I think that might be me...

It also don't help that I am pretty overwieght and ugly to boot...BUT, I see fat ugly dudes get girls all the time so that aint too big an excuse...I have a pic to prove it...I also rely on my music and guitar playing cause that's all I got and...it hasn't worked yet, hahaha...

I got thinking because I hear all these kids my age that are all into finding a girl and falling in love and all that entails and all my buddies have girlfriends and to be frank...they are very annoying and it scares me...

So like...I think I will be alone...And I kinda like that thought, cause it feels like that's whats meant to be...But also at this age I should have had a girlfriend or even a number or even a screenname at least!! Right?

[SMc55]

Oh Tony you're really down, aren't you? Don't know what to say that will help. Maybe some of the guys will be able to do that. I've seen your picture and you're certainly not ugly. And not every girl likes skinny guys. It's true what you say about fat ugly guys getting girlfriends. What I've noticed about that is it seems it's confidence that makes the difference. Of course confidence isn't something you can buy (if only), but maybe you need somehow to get some. I'm not one to talk as I don't have much.
There are quite a few big guys on this forum and I wouldn't call them ugly. I've never seen any of them in the flesh but I just know them well enough to know they're not ugly. God that doesn't make much sense but I hope you get the gist.
About sucking at life, what I can say is that we all suck at life. It's the big secret most of us keep. I really believe any body who thinks they've got life sorted is deluded or bulshitting or exceedingly rare.
Anyway that's my two pen'orth (I guess you would say two cents). I'm sure some of our lovely guys will be better able than me to give you some advice.

Hang in there you gentle talented funny guy  :)

[utonynashm]

Wow...thank you a lot doc!  I understand ya completely...

And yes I am feeling down but like...I usually hide it...I feel down all the time and it is kinda bad but I get used to it...And everyone I think knows about my suicide attempt but, right as I was cutting my wrists my mom just happen to call...And I stopped...She had no idea what was going on...

And I don't have much self esteem at all...

Here is a pic I took like only minutes ago...Something to make ya laugh I hope...My face looks contorted but whatever...

http://www3.freepichosting.com/Thumbs/421602404/4/600/450.jpg

[SMc55]

That's what I like to see. It looks like you're saying "I'm OK and if you don't think so swivel on this!"  ;D

[Jellyfish]

Hang in there dude...there is someone for everyone.Have you tried online dating? I am not much of a social person either,since I don't  drink or smoke cigs,so I can relate to you...however..I do try to meet women.I have had some decent luck on some of the dating sites.You might wanna try one of them.

And I don't think you are ugly...at all...good luck,friend. :)

[SMc55]

But seriously, thinking about it, if you feel down all the time maybe you should see someone about it. I'm not saying drugs are the answer, but maybe you should consider seeing a doctor. I don't know how it works in the states. Here we all have a family doctor we can see free and who can refer us to specialsts. Think about it. And take care  :)

[SMc55]

Brilliant idea, jellyfish. I know a people who've had a lot of fun meeting people this way, and a few who've met their long term partners. Give it a try, Tony. You've got nothing to lose  :D

[utonynashm]

Thank you very much for the advice...

I did see someone for a lil' bit for my problems(a psychatrist), but just stopped going, hahaha...She still calls...

I also frown on online dating...too wierd andnot human...If I can't get a girl on my own merits and look them in the eye then I rarther not have one...

But thanks for the advice!

[marktwain]

tony,

girls can't make you happy, but the right one can make you smile.  

That said, there's nothing wrong with having a different focus right now.  There's no timeline you have to follow, and you don't have to judge yourself by what your peers are doing.

Don't hold yourself back from dating because you're shy or insecure, though. You'll have rejections, but they'll be the result of a poor match, not because there's something wrong with you.

[SMc55]

I also frown on online dating...too wierd andnot human...

That's up to you, of course, but if humans do it it must be human. And lots of nice people get a lot of fun from it. Tundra speaks wise words, it's good for you to focus on other things if that's what's right for you just now. Hope you're feeling a bit better  :)

[BIGVICLBI]

DUDE, go find some chicks wherever you hang out and those will be the chicks that like you. Believe me I'm a large ugly dude but I've been known to do ok with the ladyies ;D

[utonynashm]

Yeah...I don't hang out anywhere...I only feel safe in my basement...Going to work and going outside is a chore for me...

[kymoose]

Hey U--you seem like a really interesting fella.  A lot of girls like complex persons.  You may have that "mystery man" effect where people (girls) really want to get to know you.  Anyway, you also could probably be one hell of a songwriter.

Man, if you ever get real down you ought to think about calling a family therapist (not a psychiatrist).  They can help you see where some of the angst or other downers are coming from.  You could get to the heart of the emotion.

Anyway, life is so short.  Just think of all the cool hobbies out there that you have not explored.

[utonynashm]

Thanks again...really...

But I know what where my angst is from and I knew everything the consuler was going to say...and she did...I just hate life...We all live to die...

In the end it doesn't matter how much money you made, if you killed someone, how many friends you had, if you hate your family, or if you saved the world from evil or something...It don't mean a thing!

[Oz]

Ofcourse it doesn't matter in the end, but who cares about the end? You're alive now. And you shouldn't waste it on either wishing for death, 'cause it will come anyway, or on trying to be how you think you're supposed to be. I like it how you say you just want to concentrate on music and studying. That's exactly what you should do; I mean, do what suits you, follow your passions. And don't go to bars trying to find a girl and feeling miserable just because your friends have girlfriends or you think that's the way you should behave. And in the end, at least, that's my experience, that's the only way of finding love and to be loved.

I'd like to say one thing about the confidence-thing that our doctor mentioned: it doesn't matter if you're shy or uncertain, but I think you just have to find some way to feel okay about being shy. Just think 'okay, I'm shy, I don't like my face, but hey, I have this life and I can devote my time to things that I like and I don't want to waste it on trying to be what the world wants me to be.' And if you find some comfort like that, somebody will love you.

[Enrump]

I don't know what you consider "ugly" in the States, but from where I come from you'd have ladies hanging from your legs wherever you'd go!

[EC]

Hey tony!  Man, people have given you some great advice here.  I'll just add a bit to it:

1.  There are a LOT of shitty therapists in the world, and sometimes you have to mess around before you can find one that you're cool with.  My friend has a guy and they just talk about music for the first hour, and then they get into the other stuff.  It makes her feel better.  But he doesn't charge by the hour, so you have to watch for that.

2.  O said it fucking brilliantly about life.  You know, you have those days (or periods, or looooooong periods) where you wake up and you wonder why the fuck you'll get out of bed.  And you do, and it wasn't worth it.  Eventually I came to think that I kind of felt like seeing what was going to happen.  I decided that whatever happened in my life, it was mine, so I was just gonna see.  That seemed to help.

3.  On getting girls - dude.  I have no idea how people do it.  All I know is that I'm sitting there, going along, and suddenly I get knocked off my ass, and I never saw it coming.  I don't actually think that anybody has an easy time with it.  Some people seem like they might, but I don't buy it.  And yeah, I dig the being alone thing.  I get a hell of a lot more done. :)

4.  You're so NOT ugly.  I know I'm not supposed to say that because you're supposed to feel that way on your own and blah de blah, but fuck it, you're really not.

5.  You can fucking play GUITAR dude!  Do you know how many chicks dig that fucking shit?  LOTS.  You are going to freak out when you get your band going and you get onstage.  It shall be shocking.  Seriously.

6.  You're very awesome.

7.  I just have to say that this board made me cry this morning.  Everyone rallying here has just made my frickin day.  Good work everyone.  It's so awesome.

:)  Tony, I will have a drink for you tonight, and I will send the My Morning Jacket vibes of goodness reflected off me and straight to a basement in Buffalo.  :)  That should be around 10-ish.  :)

[utonynashm]

Aw, thanks a lot!  Really means something to me!

Thanks Megan and thank you all!

I think one of my biggest problems is I don't have a band at all...That's all I want in life and I can't find it and don't have it...

I have put up ads, searched on net, tried people out COUNTLESS times...No one seems to wna tto play with me...And when I do find guys that fit-they are already in bands and busy!

[BIGVICLBI]

Then Join someone else's band Ziggy ;D

[utonynashm]

all are full...i tried it all