So How Do You....

[Vadie Stark]

Why do you want to be the dirt in a money vacuum?

ouch!

good work there man, nice.

Thanks,
fuckin' kids... never rub another man's rhubarb!

[capt. scotty]

Why do you want to be the dirt in a money vacuum?

ouch!

good work there man, nice.

Thanks,
fuckin' kids... never rub another man's rhubarb!

Get off my lawn!!!!!!!!!!

[Vadie Stark]

Why do you want to be the dirt in a money vacuum?

ouch!

good work there man, nice.

Thanks,
fuckin' kids... never rub another man's rhubarb!

Get off my lawn!!!!!!!!!!

That could be the BF and yer tryin' to mow that grass with yer  teeth,
just sayin'

[Bumbeli]

express interest in her, then hit on/start dating another girl in class blatantly in front of her (make sure she's just as pretty)

this stategy likely wouldnt work because seriously every other female in this class is a troll, 55 years old, or 200lbs (and in some instances, all 3).

theres only 1 other one whose good looking, and I know she has a kid and I think she might be engaged. either way, I dont think hitting on her will help this. I think our mid-40's Brazilian teacher has something for me though  8-)

Id say she knows Im interested since we talk a good bit and I ask her various things about her and what she did lately and all, and judging by the situation since shes currently taken, I dont see how I can express that more than by doing what I said in the OP

then you need to NOT express interest in her; try the opposite effect and see if it works? girls respond well to aversion (fo realz--take it from me, i have made a career out of getting turned off the min i hear a guy likes me and interested when someone ignores me)

Oh dear, if that thread would have existed a few weeks back.
The "you know tracy" advice might work, but probably not :D
Taterbug's one would be good, but stupid laws might destroy your "live happily ever after" plans, if you can handle those, go for it.
I have to agree to Goose at that "be yourself" point, if she wants a modified version, like Capt. Headdy V3000, let it go.

I don't know how far your affection (don't know if this is right) for this girl already goes, but ignoring her might be really hard. I just gave it a try, but it didn't really work out as I'm not the patient one. Don't rush into it either, especially if she has a boyfriend (which, I guess, is a total jerk, cause that's the way life goes). Meg is right too, if they are really serious, let it go too. Atleast one of three is going to get really hurt, and chances are high it's going to be you.
There are plenty of girls that lose interest if someone is showing some, but there are also a lot of girls that won't come up to you if you don't give them atleast a little bit. As none of us knows that girl, it's hard to tell what type she is, but if the showing of interest failed, try it the other way round (and get a hot girl to make her jealous, it's not necesary that she is from your class too, just show off with her (it's kinda mean towards that show-off girl, but you don't want to win a popularity contest anyways)).



And failure per se is nothing bad, and especially not if there are no hard feelings.
Final quote: Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.

[ycartrob]

I think you picked a girl who already has a boyfriend so you can comfortably factor that into your failure quotient. You already crossed off all the other "lucky" contenders as being fat, troll like or old, then there's the teacher, who you can't get either b/c of her proffessional ethics.

Sounds like you have marked out your turf as an unattainable super stud; congratulations.

[Bumbeli]

who you can't get either b/c of her proffessional ethics.

this one made me laugh :D

[pawpaw]

Get to know her...it sounds like it's not much past a classroom association yet...If she doesn't give you a strong indication that she wants to leave her boyfriend, ask her if she has any single friends that she can set you up with! Ladies love setting up their single friends with good guys! (This is assuming you're a good guy... ::) ;D)

[FACE]

please don't do that - i would hate that.

[tomEisenbraun]

Let me give a little advice from the asshole's perspective here.

Last August I dumped the girl I'd been dating for a three months shy of two years and was dating another girl within three days. Not just another girl, but the girl who helped me get my thoughts together enough to break up with the long-term girlfriend. She definitely helped instigate, and I definitely had no problem with that, and so when everything was said and done, she was right there waiting and was a pretty decent backup plan.

Tough thing is, when you're looking at someone else with interest when you're already in a relationship, there's a few pretty ridiculous things that happen mentally. First, you find everything good about the person in relation to your current relationship's faults. That other person exists, to you, as a function of your current relationship. I've never seen any effective cure for this outside of just having some time to breathe your own air and get your head readjusted before beginning to date again. There's a lot of maturation and self-reclamation to be done after breaking your way out of a long-term serious relationship. All sorts of messy heartbreak and heartache--it doesn't matter if you're the one effecting the breakup or victimized by it. Unless you're completely heartless, but those people aren't any fun to date anyways.

Second problem is that you'll have to pick up after this guy. If she does decide she wants to leave him, you will inevitably have to pick up the baggage he's heaped on her. There are undoubtedly things over which it's worth it to break it off with him if she does, indeed, break it off with him. But that means that you now get to carry that weight, and that gets you a whole lot closer and a whole lot more serious than you would in most situations. Not to say this hasn't happened and worked out positively before, but for the most part, any good relationship to come out of this kind of situation is going to have a whole hell of a lot to work through to get there.

So what I would suggest is to not push at all for this girl. Give her up, romantically. Enjoy her company in class and joke around and whatnot, but I really wouldn't push to make anything happen here. Like said earlier, there's a maximum of three people to get hurt here, and a minimum of one. You will most likely have a whole lot of sweeping up to do in this situation, and that scenario escalates the seriousness of a relationship to a very incredible point very very quickly. In turn, if you find out she's not someone you want to be with, and you're already in that spot, it can be a very tricky situation to be in. Because dumping a girl after she's left a guy to be with you is an awful situation to be in.

Anywho. Sorry to blab.

[the sun and moon]

What they said.

[capt. scotty]

So what I would suggest is to not push at all for this girl. Give her up, romantically. Enjoy her company in class and joke around and whatnot, but I really wouldn't push to make anything happen here. Like said earlier, there's a maximum of three people to get hurt here, and a minimum of one. You will most likely have a whole lot of sweeping up to do in this situation, and that scenario escalates the seriousness of a relationship to a very incredible point very very quickly. In turn, if you find out she's not someone you want to be with, and you're already in that spot, it can be a very tricky situation to be in. Because dumping a girl after she's left a guy to be with you is an awful situation to be in.

A lot of what you said (including what I cut out) makes sense, though Im not so sure about the whole if she would leave him, our relationship is immediately serious and fast-forwarded.

As for me, I guess my verbiage in the OP seemed to make it seem like I really need to make this happen somehow and Im lovestruck with this girl. Just to clarify, I like her, we have a lot in common, and she can handle her booze, but if I dont get this to work, Im not going to be that "one" whose hurt, trust me. I think it sucks that this is the situation and the odds are against me, but no big deal if it doesnt work out the way Id like it to.

Judging by some responses, I guess it might seem like Im somehow "forcing" this on her or something and really trying pursue this so it happens, but thats not the case at all. She doesnt have my number, I havent mentioned anything even close to resembling me telling her Im interested or what she should do. I basically just feel like if she was single, Im pretty sure she'd be into doing stuff with me, but shes not, thus leading me to post this topic how I should best handle this so it ends up good for me  :)

Sorry Tom, that wasnt all directed at you, just an accumulation of some responses that seem to have similarities  ;D

[capt. scotty]

...get someone out of a relationship so you can start dating them and whatnot. Ive never been interested in someone who already has a BF enough to try to kill that relationship and get with me, so I have no idea how to pull this off.

Shes in my microbiology class with me, but it only meets once a week, which makes this even more difficult. She may or may not be living with him as well, which creates another possible challenge.

All Ive got so far is giving her my number after we and and couple other people from class go out for some drinks after the final and tell her to call me if she gets rid of her BF or just wants to get some drinks ever again.

Im screwed  :-/

yeah, you kind of are. no offense.

just going to be blunt here and say my best advice would be to stay away, especially if the girl and her dude are serious enough to be living together. don't go down that road.

plenty of other chicks out there, man.  :)

I have no idea what the living situation is, that was purely speculation.

And yes, I know there are plenty of ladies out there, I just like this one at the moment.

[tomEisenbraun]

haha, sorry to read too far into it, man. did i also make up the three year thing, because i'm not seeing it in your original post...

[FACE]

Man I've had girls do that in the reverse situation and even the sight of them or their name alone makes me ill.

It's no good. Not your territory. Leave it?
That's what I think.

[Crispy]

Man I've had girls do that in the reverse situation and even the sight of them or their name alone makes me ill.

It's no good. Not your territory. Leave it?
That's what I think.

This.
Headdy, I assume you've never been on the other side of this? Or maybe you have, and now you're after some poorly-aimed revenge?

[Soulshine]

You don't.

Don't play games with her. She's involved with someone else. Be her friend. Respect her. Respect her boyfriend and the fact that they are involved with one another. Don't try to control or manipulate the situation. If it's meant to be, it will be. You can't force it into something. Anything that isn't coming from or headed to a pure and positive place will not work. Even if she does leave her boyfriend there is a period people need to heal and find themselves again after each relationship. Jumping from one relationship straight into another is not healthy.

If you take anything at all away from what I'm saying let it be this- please stop  the game playing. I hope we can all stop the madness. It's immature and a complete waste of energy. When 2 people like one another they should just BE together-naturally. Not dilly dally around, wait 3 days to call, or follow any of the "rules" or whatever people talk about.... This is not directed at any comments anyone has made. I've been toyed with and it makes me coo coo.

I've also watched someone carry on an affair with a married man with a couple of kids and I fear the karmic retribution she will undoubtedly face one day. I know your situation is not this intense, but you would still be flirting with bad karma.

Be a man, a stand up guy....that's always the right thing to do! :)

[ritchiem4812]

You don't.

Don't play games with her. She's involved with someone else. Be her friend. Respect her. Respect her boyfriend and the fact that they are involved with one another. Don't try to control or manipulate the situation. If it's meant to be, it will be. You can't force it into something. Anything that isn't coming from or headed to a pure and positive place will not work. Even if she does leave her boyfriend there is a period people need to heal and find themselves again after each relationship. Jumping from one relationship straight into another is not healthy.

If you take anything at all away from what I'm saying let it be this- please stop  the game playing. I hope we can all stop the madness. It's immature and a complete waste of energy. When 2 people like one another they should just BE together-naturally. Not dilly dally around, wait 3 days to call, or follow any of the "rules" or whatever people talk about.... This is not directed at any comments anyone has made. I've been toyed with and it makes me coo coo.

I've also watched someone carry on an affair with a married man with a couple of kids and I fear the karmic retribution she will undoubtedly face one day. I know your situation is not this intense, but you would still be flirting with bad karma.

Be a man, a stand up guy....that's always the right thing to do! :)

A lot of good stuff in that post.

[capt. scotty]

You don't.

Don't play games with her. She's involved with someone else. Be her friend. Respect her. Respect her boyfriend and the fact that they are involved with one another. Don't try to control or manipulate the situation. If it's meant to be, it will be. You can't force it into something. Anything that isn't coming from or headed to a pure and positive place will not work. Even if she does leave her boyfriend there is a period people need to heal and find themselves again after each relationship. Jumping from one relationship straight into another is not healthy.

If you take anything at all away from what I'm saying let it be this- please stop  the game playing. I hope we can all stop the madness. It's immature and a complete waste of energy. When 2 people like one another they should just BE together-naturally. Not dilly dally around, wait 3 days to call, or follow any of the "rules" or whatever people talk about.... This is not directed at any comments anyone has made. I've been toyed with and it makes me coo coo.

I've also watched someone carry on an affair with a married man with a couple of kids and I fear the karmic retribution she will undoubtedly face one day. I know your situation is not this intense, but you would still be flirting with bad karma.

Be a man, a stand up guy....that's always the right thing to do! :)

Where have I said I have done or plan to do anything one would describe as forcing or manipulating?!?!! And game playing??? Gimme a break!!

Take a chill pill. If I give her my number, its her decision what she wants to do with it. If she wants to try out something with me more, then she leaves current situation. If she doesnt, she doesnt. This isnt manipulation, its a personal choice and decision. And its not like she's married for christ sake.

[capt. scotty]

Man I've had girls do that in the reverse situation and even the sight of them or their name alone makes me ill.

It's no good. Not your territory. Leave it?
That's what I think.

This.
Headdy, I assume you've never been on the other side of this? Or maybe you have, and now you're after some poorly-aimed revenge?

Not revenge, and havent been on the other side of it.

If I ever was though, I certainly would get out of a relationship if I found someone Id rather be with. I dont see why some people here are having a problem with me giving my number to someone whose in a relationship and letting them do as they wish. Maybe they only read the first 2 sentences on this entire thread though  ::)

[Soulshine]

You don't.

Don't play games with her. She's involved with someone else. Be her friend. Respect her. Respect her boyfriend and the fact that they are involved with one another. Don't try to control or manipulate the situation. If it's meant to be, it will be. You can't force it into something. Anything that isn't coming from or headed to a pure and positive place will not work. Even if she does leave her boyfriend there is a period people need to heal and find themselves again after each relationship. Jumping from one relationship straight into another is not healthy.

If you take anything at all away from what I'm saying let it be this- please stop  the game playing. I hope we can all stop the madness. It's immature and a complete waste of energy. When 2 people like one another they should just BE together-naturally. Not dilly dally around, wait 3 days to call, or follow any of the "rules" or whatever people talk about.... This is not directed at any comments anyone has made. I've been toyed with and it makes me coo coo.

I've also watched someone carry on an affair with a married man with a couple of kids and I fear the karmic retribution she will undoubtedly face one day. I know your situation is not this intense, but you would still be flirting with bad karma.

Be a man, a stand up guy....that's always the right thing to do! :)

[highlight]Where have I said I have done or plan to do anything one would describe as forcing or manipulating[/highlight]?!?!! And [highlight]game playing[/highlight]??? Gimme a break!!

Take a chill pill. If I give her my number, its her decision what she wants to do with it. If she wants to try out something with me more, then she leaves current situation. If she doesnt, she doesnt. This isnt manipulation, its a personal choice and decision. And its not like she's married for christ sake.

First off, take a deep cleansing breath. Relax. I'm not attacking, judging or doing anything else with you. We're all good.
I'm not implying you are trying to or have done any of these things. I'm stating what I think/know from personal experience and dealing with friends.
Take a moment to look at what the facts are.
-she's' in a relationship
I guess that's all you need to know. This woman is not available to you. Like I said before; if it's meant to be it will work itself out and be.
My point about controlling/manipulating/forcing is simply about trying to MAKE something work rather than just LETTING something work...naturally...organically.
I've already said that your situation was not as intense as my friend who carried on an affair with a married man. My point was-don't flirt with negative karma.
I want everyone to have love/peace/happiness/bliss/connections/etc. I would never downplay or discourage anyone's happiness and connections in life. You asked for advice and I gave you advice from my perspective.
If you feel like you should give her your number and be clear about things then give her your number and clearly state what your intentions are. Then, there is NO confusion, game playing, etc. Only then will you get a clear answer to the questions you seek.
Don't be upset with me. I have only positive and good intentions in my heart.  ;)