jokes

[vespachick]

What did the snail say when he went for a ride on the tortoise's back?



WEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

[red]

Oh man, oh man, this is amazing!

http://garfieldminusgarfield.tumblr.com/

[EC]

A small 1 seater plane crashed into a cemetery. Police have recovered 102 bodies so far and will continue to dig throughout the night.

[The DARK]

Three older men were talking about their funerals. This is how the conversation went...

Man 1: At my funeral, I want someone to say what a great person I was.

Man 2: At my funeral, I want someone to say what a great father I was.

Man 3: At my funeral, I want someone to say, "Look! He's moving!"

[crazylove]

A pirate went into a bar and ordered a beer.  The bartender gave him the beer and said"Did you know you have a steering wheel in your pants?  The pirate replied"Aye,it's drivin' me nuts!"

[EC]

oh my bejeezus those last two are supergood.  ahaha.
yeah!

[Kimbos_Evil_Bread]

how many deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb?

none.  they watch it burn out then follow it around the country for 30 years.




(and I like the dead)

[aMD]

how many deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb?

none.  they watch it burn out then follow it around the country for 30 years.




(and I like the dead)

What did one deahead say to the other when they ran out of weed?

This music sucks!




(I like the dead too)

[EC]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcwfdFT1ohE&feature=related

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=13053388

amazing and terrific and really good.  A+

[Dorothy_Mantooth]

what do you get when you cross a dog and a cantaloupe?

A meloncollie.

[ycartrob]

what do you get when you cross a dog and a cantaloupe?

A meloncollie.

what if the dog is a terrier? (my very favorite breed...)

[BH]

Why does the Easter Bunny hide eggs?



So nobody finds out that he's fucking chickens.

[pawpaw]

I'm a few days late with this one:

What's an Irish 7 course meal?

A potato and a six-pack.

[red]

What did the wino say to a man eating grapes?

Dude, you gotta wait.



I miss Mitch Hedberg.

[Ghosts_on_TV]

What did the cow with no lips say?

ooo

[Jon T.]

A woman at a party walks up to a man and says, Hi, my name is Carmen, would you like to dance?. He says sure, that's a pretty name, where did it come from.  She says, well I gave it to myself actually, it represents two things I love in life, cars and men.  She says what's your name.  He smiles back and says,  B.J.  Titsenbeer.

[bluntmaster]

two jokes I'll never forget after hearing..

one for the children:
Q: Where do sick boats go?
A: THE DOCK!!  da dum tssh!

one for the sickos:

So a Pedophile and an Young Boy are walking through the woods late at night one evening, when the boy turns to the man and says "these woods sure are scary at night", the man replies "you think you're scared, you don't have to walk back alone".

da dum tssh!!

[Killgies]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto have been riding all day on a buffalo hunt. When they stop to rest, Tonto places his ear to the ground and listens.

"Buffalo come," Tonto says.

"How do you know that?" asks the Lone Ranger.

"Ear sticky."

Classic! This joke just made my day!

[easy way]

Did you hear the one about the shovel?

Ah, you wouldn't dig it.

[easy way]

Q: How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: None, hippies screw in tents.