Current Complaints

[BH]

I'm miserable. Things haven't been going my way. I'm failing the only two classes in school that I actually need to graduate. I don't have anyone to talk to. I forgot to buy a microwave dinner at the grocery, because I was too fixated on getting a Pumpkin Spice Latte, and now I'm paying the consequence. Cigars make me spit, which knocks down the cool factor. Someone wants to introduce me to a girl who would be "good for me" but I can't figure out why anyone who knows me would feel I would be good for their friend. I don't have time to read good books. I can't express myself on canvas. In art class, the teacher keeps trying to draw meaning out of my work, and she completely fails, and it embarasses me.

but you've got us! :)

[FarmerYoda]

(a) school is not going well
(b) work is not gonig well
(c) i'm a mess and a half.

I lost all my chemistry stuff. I'm a fucking mess. I said to myself at the end of last year that I wouldn't fall into the sophomore slump. Then I scoffed. But theres no scoffing now - I"ve missed like 4 days of school between field trips and not feeling well and i'm just a total total total mess. three totals to emphasize what sort of situation I'm in. And within those days I've missed, I've not done work for any of them.


I haven't done any homework in about a week because "I just don't feel like it". I've been drawing pictures instead, all of which I don't like and end up throwing away anyway. I spend my class time drawing, too, and thinking of everything else I could be doing.


SOphomore year is such a joke - it's a continuation of freshmen year without the title. At the same time, I don't want this year to end. Junior year is not gonna be much easier and with me being like THIS already, I can't even imagine. It's fucking HIGH SCHOOL...

I have so much shit that needs to get done - between my nwe volunteer job, my social justice club (pfft. don't get me started about this....), my jazz band, school work, music studies,. catching up and friends. I've never felt so overwhelmed. It just all needs to happen and it's not going well at all. i also feel completely broke.  i don't know where all my money went. i have a feeling my brothers taking it little by little...

I can't stop thinking about the future and where I'll end up. I don't want to end up unhappy doing shit I don't want to. Life is so dumb - nobody likes it - we do all thsi stupid shit and then we die. I'm really bitter, yes, and I'lll probably regret saying most of this... but the economy,.the government, is so fucked up. What is MONEY? Why? Nobody udnerstands this concept, yet nobody does anything to fix it. I undrestand the whole idea, but over time why has thsi worekd so well? THeres debt. There's poverty.  I certainly don't want a communist government, that's more fucked up, but this just doens't seem to be working for me.

The worst part is nobody knows how much I'm fucking up. I mean, friends know, but my mom was explaining to me what great things I did. I don't do shit! I'm a bright kid, I'll give me that, but I'm not trying! Why am I so miserable?! HA! Some woman just walked by me and said "you're so diligent!"... uh...  I'm on a My Morning Jacket Forum. Sort of diligent.

I haven't practiced music in a very long time and have no desire to. I only like playing at school, but recently that hasn't even been fun. People lack passion. I lack skills. I can't do anything anymore and I'm already four minutes late for a lesson I Don't want to go to. It'll take me about ten minutes car ride to get there.

IT's funny - I know all this but do very little to change it.

PLUS MY OCD HAS KICKED IN FULL FORCE. I've been counting my steps, and a couple days ago,when I was eating cereal, I sorted them into colors and it took me about twenty five minutes to eat. Also, I was reading teh back of the box and I tried to read every word only once and if I messed up I'd say "Cancel, cancel" and start over. But it didn't seem weird at the time. It was perfectly normal. And on the way home on the T i counted how many seconds we were stopped for and howm any seconds it took me to get to home. One more - I banged my left foot on the desk, so I banged my right foot in the same spot. Symmytry. I don't get why when this happens I can't nmanage to get good grades or take efficient notes. Is it SUFFICIENT or EFFICIENT? Whatever.

Please notice the lack of typos in this bulletin, mostly do to the above paragraph.

And I had a math test today and I think I failed. I'm such a mess. When can I legally drop out of school???

Somebody, comfort me. I'm sorry, all. Disregard everyhting. Sometimes it feels good to be a realist. Sometimes it feels good to just complain about everything all at once.

Thanks -
Jenny

[tomEisenbraun]

Ah, if you want to know, college is actually much better than high school...

So stick with it. It sounds like the OCD probably needs to be checked out (and I'm sure you've got something going with that alread) but that can't be helping your situation at all, and it's definitely not your fault, either. That said, we all get that frustration with where we're at. It's what drives passion. Passion to make change, or to understand who you are, or to better the world you're in. I know it sucks, but understand what growing up is, as well. It's realizing who you are, and learning how to be that person.

High school is ridiculously difficult because you're surrounded by hundreds of people all going through identity crises at the same time. Some people will be idiots and define themselves by who they associate with, some people will define themselves as clique leaders who people want to associate with. And there's all kinds of different little circuses that those fit into. But then there's also the "outcasts," labelled as such because they don't want to fit into a heirarchy. The people who understand things a lot deeper than a social chain. The people who understand people and understand that life has a point and it's not how many friends you can make, but what difference you can make in your friends' lives (I hope that's not a cliche I've never heard before). But to be in that situation can be one of the loneliest places to be. You'll find many people (especially at your age of "coolness") will want to ignore the truth of it all and get caught up in the politics of social heirarchies and be content to let someone else's unchecked ego define theirs. God bless you for not getting caught up in that, from how it sounds.

But stick with it, Jenny. Don't give up on school. I know it's frickin hard. I don't know how in the world the government thinks beginning school at 8 o'clock is a good idea. Our parents don't start work til 9 and even then, nothing happens before 10. Most peoples' brains don't work that early, and beginning your day as such is just extremely tiring. Especially if you're a night owl. College will help redeem that, as you can take late morning (like eleven o'clock) and afternoon classes basically the whole way through, if you schedule it right.

But get some sleep. Take care of yourself. And do your best to stick it out. And look forward to the alternative school thing you were talking about earlier. That sounds like it's much more of what you need out of your education.

And don't just complain about not practicing with music. Sit down and do it. And if others are lacking passion, let that inspire you. Let that give you a drive to make something beautiful with it, because if they won't someone needs to. And if you recognize that, then why shouldn't it be you? You may be out of practice or not very good in your own eyes, but it's all a process of learning, and the more time you devote to it now, the quicker it'll pay off for you.

I'll do my best to pray for you through this, and definitely keep us updated as to what's going on. You've got people of all different ages here you can talk to, and that really is a valuable thing for osmeone who sounds like they're thinking at a level far beyond what is normally expected of 16-year-olds.

[megisnotreal]

I'm miserable. Things haven't been going my way. I'm failing the only two classes in school that I actually need to graduate. I don't have anyone to talk to. I forgot to buy a microwave dinner at the grocery, because I was too fixated on getting a Pumpkin Spice Latte, and now I'm paying the consequence. Cigars make me spit, which knocks down the cool factor. Someone wants to introduce me to a girl who would be "good for me" but I can't figure out why anyone who knows me would feel I would be good for their friend. I don't have time to read good books. I can't express myself on canvas. In art class, the teacher keeps trying to draw meaning out of my work, and she completely fails, and it embarasses me.

(hug)

[BH]

Jenny, if it helps any, I think we have all felt that way at some point early in our life, when the whole world starts opening up in front of us.  It can be overwhelming.  I sometimes have those symtoms of OCD and I think it has to do with having too much shit in my head at the same time.  Counting cheerios makes it go away if only for a few moments.  I used to make lists of things on my mind, and somehow, having it written down helped me to let it go for awhile.  I will be thinking about you.

[FarmerYoda]

Jenny, if it helps any, I think we have all felt that way at some point early in our life, when the whole world starts opening up in front of us.  It can be overwhelming.  I sometimes have those symtoms of OCD and I think it has to do with having too much shit in my head at the same time.  Counting cheerios makes it go away if only for a few moments.  I used to make lists of things on my mind, and somehow, having it written down helped me to let it go for awhile.  I will be thinking about you.

that's just it.
i know we're humans. and i know theres so many counterargumetns to what i'm about to plunge into but if we all feel this way and we allget down and we all experiecne stupid shit like this, then why the fuck is lifel ike this? people make the world. we make life. without us, life wouldn't exist. but still it acts against us in so many different ways.

i just don't get it.

and i've been smoking way way way way way too much.

but i found my chem stuff.
but still haven't done any work.

[tomEisenbraun]

we make life. without us, life wouldn't exist. but still it acts against us in so many different ways.

we didn't make life. scientists still can't tell you how to do that. we live life and sustain and procreate, yes, but the origin of life is not ours to claim.

[Angry Ewok]

I didn't think Jenny meant that literally... I thought of it as her way of saying that life as we know it is a contained hustle and bustle that's been designed and refined and "perfected" in so many ways... and yet it still crashes down on us.

I can't speak for anyone else, but I know I'm OCD-ish, doing weird stuff like rearranging the silverware and making sure all of the mechanical pencils have an equal amount of lead, because I'm reaching for some form of order in my life to counteract the complete disarray that comes with everything else.

[TEO]

I didn't think Jenny meant that literally... I thought of it as her way of saying that life as we know it is a contained hustle and bustle that's been designed and refined and "perfected" in so many ways... and yet it still crashes down on us.

I can't speak for anyone else, but I know I'm OCD-ish, doing weird stuff like rearranging the silverware and making sure all of the mechanical pencils have an equal amount of lead, because I'm reaching for some form of order in my life to counteract the complete disarray that comes with everything else.

I will sit at my desk and move something just a little bit till it suits my satisfaction. Alec Baldwin has the same disorder (admitted on Conan). Like he said, nothing really wrong with it unless it interferes with your life. I also like to tease my wife and son in a restaurant by minutely moving salt and pepper etc., then they tease me by moving it a little. I have control over it, just do it when I feel the need.  ;)

[aMD]

i'm getting sick, I can feel it.  and now is NOT the time for me to be sick.   :(

[FarmerYoda]

i fink i have mono.

[megisnotreal]

i fink i have mono.

Yuk. I hope not! I had mono once when I was in high school, and I missed almost a month of school.

I hope you get to feeling better.

[EC]

full. belly.
it's canadian thanksgiving, and i ate more than my share.  way more than my share.  and i want to die.

[tomEisenbraun]

attempting to sleep, only to dream. i wrote this poem about it when it came around last year, and finished it once i finally stopped dreaming so vividly and was able to get a good night's sleep. but the part about not being able to get rest is the first stanza. i made light of it with the second one, but i don't think it fully captured the frustration that it truly causes. here it is anyways. life inspires art.

so midnight's tolling long forgot
with bedded intent i seek
that of which I dream,
but in dreaming find not...

but o, to dream
these eyelids fall
and out from velvet tresses
find no trace of old distresses
but hope
as each golden saplet finds
its way past upturned window blinds,
and, rubbing day from darkened eyes,
I, betwixt two states (and most surprised)
find my sheets lie where i left them...

[BH]

so midnight's tolling long forgot
with bedded intent i seek
that of which I dream,
but in dreaming find not...

but o, to dream
these eyelids fall
and out from velvet tresses
find no trace of old distresses
but hope
as each golden saplet finds
its way past upturned window blinds,
and, rubbing day from darkened eyes,
I, betwixt two states (and most surprised)
find my sheets lie where i left them...

love this

[Angry Ewok]

Caption from my recent blogpost...

Tonight I put on some extra layers, trying to maximize my body heat and whatnot... I was all pumped up, made my way out to the backyard with my iPod, and did a pretty extreme workout on a twisted ankle... Like, yeah, I'm tough as fuck, me agitating my sprained ankle... Yeah, the badass in the sweaters!

Anyway, by the end of all that retarded machoness, I was tired as fuck, sort of lightheaded, even. Being light and airy with a twisted ankle is bad enough - but the fucking son-of-bitch asshole patio light in the backyard cut out, as it's on a timer (and for all of my mad skills I'm too fucking stupid to figure out how to make it stay on), leaving me completely blind.

So... just keeping score here - I'm tired, lightheaded, I've got a fucked up ankle, and now I'm blind.

I'm a cripple at this point... and OF COURSE I end up managing to trip over the fucking yard sprinkler on my way inside. I dunno how it happened, but I guess the sudden gravitational shift of tripping and falling on an unseen and unsuspected object caused me to puke mid-flight in this beautifully disgusting arc of spaghetti. I landed fine, but I totally pulled off a fully airborne vomit. I thought you could only do that shit in space?

Now, it may not sound totally funny just yet... but here's the punchline... just as I was tripping, the iPod shuffled to the Beatles' 'GOOD MORNING! GOOD MORNING!'

So... go ahead and play that song, with its stupid happy tone and annoying chickens crowing, cats meowing, dogs barking, birds chirping, horses neighing, and try and visualize me tripping over the fucking sprinkler in the dark, and throwing up the only meal I've had all god damn day.

Excuse the vulgarities, please,

Brad

[ali]

nice poem tom

hope you've recovered brad.... but what were you thinking with all the retarded machoness on a twisted ankle?? hmmm.... not such a good idea  :-/

[Angry Ewok]

Well, the rest of the blog kinda explains that... long story short, I've been having a pretty rough time and so this has all been an effort to carry out some frustration and angst. It's helping alot.

The ankle will be fine, and I plan to stay away from the sprinkler.

 :)

[ali]

sounds like a good move.

hope the frustration and angst ends soon too

 :)

[ali]

i guess my only complaint at the moment is my scary lack of social life and apparently perpetual singledom

 :(